James Manivannan (left) says it is important for fathers to spend more time with their families. With him in the picture is wife (second from left, background) Bellinda Dorothy, daughter Joscelyn Beverly James and son, Brian Ricuelmae James.
James Manivannan, 51, father of teenagers, Kuala Lumpur
JAMES wants the government to increase paternity leave from one week to two. His reason is simple: fathers need to support their wives’ postnatal care.
“One week is not enough. And it should be unrecorded, instead of having to use up our leave.
The father of two – a daughter, Joscelyn Beverly James, 19, and a son, Brian Ricuelmae James, 16 – remembers the day when wife Bellinda Dorothy, now 48, first gave birth. James, who works as a despatch worker, says 20 years ago he was allowed only three days of paternal leave to look after his wife.
“I took the three days and later on added another week. My wife needed me to be there to support her. Three days is simply insufficient. I had to get her supplies, meals and medicines. I was there to care for her.
“Furthermore, babies tend to develop jaundice during the first days of birth. So of course we need to be there for our wives.”
In 2022, the Employment Act 1955 was amended to allow seven days – up from three days – of paid paternity leave for fathers for the births of their first five children. Comparatively, maternity leave was increased from 60 to 98 consecutive days.
However, it appears some companies in the private sector are independently increasing the number of paternity leave days allowed. For instance, last year Standard Chartered Malaysia standardised the amount of parental leave to provide parents with a minimum of 20 weeks of paid parental leave, regardless of gender.
Universiti Putra Malaysia’s family studies expert Assoc Prof Dr Rumaya Juhari recently wrote an article in which she quoted Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia’s Critical Media Studies Assoc Prof Dr Jamaluddin Aziz as saying that paternity leave remains crucial in the country’s changing society.
Jamaluddin said studies have shown that a father who takes paternity leave could develop a stronger bond with the infant, other than contributing to the wife’s recovery and/or preparation to re-enter the workforce.
James says he does not want to see new fathers of today missing out on learning how to care for their children due to the short paternity leave period.
“I am sure that new fathers today can benefit from longer periods of paternity leave. It is a crucial time to form stronger bonds with their families.”
On raising his kids, James says teenagers need to be reminded of their priorities constantly.
Despite his busy schedule during the day, he made a point to be at home early after work.
“I choose to be more involved in raising my children. I want to check on their homework, their wellbeing, and school life, among others. I don’t even hang out with my friends anymore since our first child. I did all that when I was younger.
“And looking back, it was easier when they were kids. As they’re growing up and are influenced by their surroundings and social media, I always have to remind them to remain rooted in family values.
“They need to study hard and lay a better foundation for themselves in the future.”
Tan (centre) says he had to seek his dad’s and community elders’ advice on how to be a father. He’s pictured here with wife Tan Yee Ping and Zaylee
Tan Ee Beng, 31, new father, a person with a disability, Puchong, Selangor
TAN is legally blind. And his mischievous, cherubic 11-month-old daughter Zaylee is taking advantage of her father’s situation while playing hide-and-seek.
“She sometimes turns quiet and stands behind me, before staging a surprise to tell me where she is. She can be very naughty!
“Zaylee would touch my face and lie on my tummy. To many fathers, that may be a normal interaction with their children. But to me, I can feel something emotional. That is, my daughter’s warmth,” says Tan, who leads a services department at an environmental, social and governance company.
Tan was born blind and doctors say his eyesight is only at 20%. His condition is due to genetics and he had feared that Zaylee might inherit a similar disability.
“I was so worried. But thank God that is not the case.”
On top of that worry, just like any new father, Tan was anxious about having a baby.
He sought advice from his father and several elders in his community to learn more about being a father, as he prepared himself to welcome Zaylee to the world.
When she was born, “I had mixed emotions,” says Tan.
“I was happy and at the same time, I felt anxious. I want to be the best for her so that she will have a good life and a future.”
Tan says during the first months since Zaylee’s birth, he had to learn about changing diapers, which is, of course, a different process for him. For example, while most people rely on their sight when cleaning their children, Tan explains he has to do it “differently”, using a different sensory evaluation.
“I work from home. So I have more time to spend with her. She is closer to me than her mother,” he says with a laugh.
“Well, that is because her mother was out working while I have been at home handling my department and taking care of Zaylee.”
Reminiscing about the months before Zaylee was born, Tan says there until today, he has yet to come across formal courses to prepare men for fatherhood, or at least awareness campaigns for such programmes.
He says most facilities that are available, to his knowledge, usually cater to mothers, especially when it comes to postnatal care.
“We fathers can be overwhelmed too when it comes to welcoming a baby into the family. But the attention on physical and mental health is often directed at the children and their mothers.”
Tan would like to see a programme catering to improving communication between husbands and wives who are first-time parents.
“Sometimes, the stress of work and taking care of children can take a toll on the relationship between parents. We need something that can guide us to communicate with each other better.”
Zikri Kamarulzaman, 35, new father, Kuala Selangor
MEDIA executive Zikri shares a similar sentiment with James about the lack of father-friendly policies, and that Malaysia has a long way to go before implementing practises followed in developed countries.
“I think parental leave for mothers is acceptable but we have a long way to go before we reach Europe and other first world countries where there’s way better parental benefits. It’s even worse for dads.
“I’m fortunate that my company gives 10 days paternal leave but frankly, that’s not enough. I think partly it’s because of how our society functions now.”
Some might still be fortunate enough to get help from their parents.
“It is also quite common for new parents to rope in their parents to help with childcare in the early stages, like when people go ‘berpantang’ [confinement for treatment] in their hometowns. But these options are not for everyone.
“In my case both our parents are older and lived a distance away, and asking them to help us during the confinement stage would have been imposing on them too much.
“At the same time, we couldn’t afford the services of a confinement lady or a confinement centre. So it was just the two of us and baby for most of baby’s first two months.”
Zikri says, fortunately, he could take extra leave on top of the existing 10 days paternal leave allotted by his company.
“I was fortunate that I had accumulated enough leave that my company allowed me to take almost a month off in addition to paternal leave, as well as a few weeks working from home so that I could help take care of my wife and baby.
“I think this sort of flexibility would greatly help new parents, especially fathers, be more involved in the early stages of raising an infant while also making ends meet.”
Zikri says the effectiveness of work-life balance initiatives offered by employers varies.
“For now it depends on the company. Where I work, I’m fortunate that there is some flexibility to work from home within reason so that I can assist with child care.
“It is hard to legislate this kind of thing because not all jobs are the same or are strictly 9am to 5pm.”
As a father, Zikri wants to see policies that allow employees flexibility, which if done right, can also improve productivity.
“So it has to be more of a culture and mindset shift among employers that giving flexibility to employees to work from home or have flexi-hours is not a bad thing.
“A happy employee who has good benefits and perks is going to be more loyal and more likely to deliver a good performance for employers.”
On the accessibility or availability of healthcare services and parental education programmes for new fathers, Zikri says not much comes to mind.
“I honestly can’t think of any healthcare service or parental education programme that is geared towards new fathers, beyond those private parenting classes that teach you basics about nutrition, changing diapers, bathing, and so on.
“Maybe such classes can be made mandatory for first-time parents. Many hospitals require mothers to take lactation classes before delivery, so I think it is fair to also make it a requirement for parents to be educated on how to take care of a child.”
Leong decided to climb off the coporate ladder to spend more time with Jordan. — Photos provided
Edward Johann Leong, 51, single father, Kota Kinabalu
LEONG has never missed a single one of his 13-year-old son Edward Jordan’s sports days since the boy’s first day in school.
“And that is something I am very proud of,” says Leong who runs a consultancy business.
He goes on to stress the importance of parents getting involved in their children’s growth and development, and as a single father, Leong is doing his best to be there for his son.
The former vice-president of a prominent company took a giant leap off the corporate ladder to ensure that he could spend more time with Jordan.
Apart from running his consultancy business, Leong is also active in holding educational classes and lectures for underprivileged youths.
“I made a decision 13 years ago that my son comes first and my career will come a distant second. I want to be there for my son. I saw his first steps and heard his first words.
“I would not have been able to do that if I had remained at my previous job.”
Leong says managing work along with taking care of his son by himself can be taxing.
“Right from helping him with school work, attending school events, meeting his demands, buying groceries, to managing the house, it all needs more than one person.
“It takes hard work and there is always anxiety about whether I am doing enough or not. But I am truly blessed to have a family that is supportive and caring, most of all my parents, my sisters Carmen and Melissa, and their spouses, Nicolas and Haw.”
Leong says raising a child as a single parent is never easy, especially now that his son is a teenager.
“Sometimes when he is not listening whenever I ask him to do something, I will ask my sisters, his aunts, to talk to him.
“Being a single dad is very difficult, but it develops a person holistically and it’s making me a better human being. It makes me accept my limitations and teaches me the art of unconditional love.
“I have always felt that my family is complete with my son and me, and I appreciate my son who accepts me with all my imperfections.”
At the end of the day, working hard for his son is worth it, Leong says.
“The feeling when you see a smile on your child’s face makes it all worth it. I long to spend as much time as possible with my son. His presence is the best stress buster and removes every pinch of sadness in me every single day.”
Leong says while he is fortunate to have the support of his family in raising Jordan, not every single parent is so lucky. He feels relevant bodies should initiate programmes designed to help single fathers improve their skills as parents and breadwinners.
“There are always programmes for single mothers but never for single fathers. Society often forgets that single fathers are human too, and we need the same support and encouragement to help us go through the day-to-day challenges.
“Single fathers go through the same troubles as single mothers in the upbringing of their children.
“Many single dads find it very hard to multitask and juggle their work requirements and meeting the needs of their kids.”
Firdauz (in songkok) with (from left) son Mohammed Zayn Mikhael, 11, daughter Ayla Mikayla, two, (in his arms), wife Nordiana Abdullah, 37, holding three-month-old Mohammed Aali Mateen, son Mohammed Noah Maliqie, nine, and daughter Aara Medina, four.
Muhammad Firdauz Rahim, 39, former stay-at-home dad with five children, Shah Alam
FIRDAUZ was a literal man of the house for a while. He became a stay-at-home dad after a business venture fell through three years ago and he decided to focus on taking care of his family to find a sense of peace.
That was when Firdauz began taking over the management reins of at home. He began his day early, waking and prepping his children for school, and warming up the car’s engine to drive his wife to work.
“My children go to a school and one to a kindergarten nearby. My wife works in Puchong and the drive can be taxing so I will try my best to avoid the morning grind on the road.
To do that, Firdauz would have to wake up early at 4.30am every day to get everything done and leave the house before the traffic got crazy.
And, of course, his duties did not end there, as any mother would know.
“You have to clean the house daily. And that is the most painstaking part. Cleaning the house can be arduous. Later on, I would have to start cooking for the family.
“I’d do breakfast, lunch and dinner. I couldn’t let my wife help me do housework. Working at the office was tiring for her. I let her rest after work.”
Among the things Firdauz had to learn about being a stay-at-home dad was the cost of groceries.
“They can be expensive year after year. And I am a father of five. Imagine how much I had to budget and allocate almost every week so that we have fresh ingredients to cook,” he says.
However, as the cost of living began skyrocketing, Firdauz decided to find a job to supplement his wife’s income, and began work last month.
“I found a job as a driver, with regular working hours from 8am to 5pm. This way, I can help cushion the hefty monthly expenditures.”
But he made sure the new job does not take too much of his time away from the kids.
“I still make time to pick them up from school and nursery. I’ll cook for them as well. I still nag over many things,” he says with a laugh.
Following his experience as a full-time homemaker, Firdauz says perhaps the government can find a way to effectively mitigate the increase of cost of living to help fathers, especially from the B40 (lower income) group.
“There should be a more effective way to help families alleviate the cost of living. I am not talking about cash handouts. Maybe targeted subsidies on selected goods for selected income groups are better.
“As men and fathers, we naturally want the best for our families. And even when I was not the breadwinner for my family, I was always concerned about our monthly expenditure.”
His worry underlines the results of a survey carried out by the Institute of Strategic Analysis and Policy Research (Insap) in August last year, which found Malaysians are mainly concerned about the rising cost of living. It said stagnant incomes and escalating expenses had become the top concern among most Malaysians as price hikes for goods and food were expected this year.
“That is why I had to return to the workforce,” says Firdauz.
