Fathers going the extra mile

Working hard: Hasan (seated) and his wife – pictured with three of their eight children – say raising a large family is no easy task. — Photos provided

IT is not an easy road to traverse but fathers are working their fingers to the bone when it comes to raising families.

The increasing costs of living and the ever-expanding need to cater to lifestyle and education requirements, for example, are leading them to play a more significant role as breadwinners.

Eking out more than just a living for their families, especially the children, is proving to be stressful. Nevertheless, it is a responsibility that must be seen through.

Everything from the grind for better positions at work and creating opportunities to supplement incomes to moonlighting for other companies seems to have become the norm in the current difficult economic climate.

But these fathers are also thankful for the support they receive at home. Some of their wives, for example, have been taking up parttime jobs to bolster household income to alleviate financial burdens.

Today, it is not just about putting food on the table for fathers. It is about securing a better future for their children as well as educating them, by example, on dealing with responsibilities and working hard.

Getting by to get better

Assoc Prof Dr Hasan Ahmad is a father of eight, with the eldest being 27 years old and the youngest, nine.

The 57-year-old has never strictly subscribed to family planning as he believes his children are gifts from God – a mindset in line with his main job as a philosophical lecturer at Universiti Malaysia Pahang.

Hasan says his wife does not object to having many children although it means having to put in extra effort to raise them.

“Raising many children is no easy task. There are many things you have to look into, especially their needs. And it is not necessarily about mental but material needs as well.

“I have to make more for the family. For instance, I regularly hold tuition classes for the additional income.”

His wife, school teacher Norshihan Mohd Sood, 50, manages the family’s finances.

“Whatever I earn that month, I will give to her. She knows better when it comes to handling money. I am glad for that,” Hasan says.

Of course, the challenge in raising children does not only lie only in the numbers.

Further away in Shah Alam, content manager Muhammad Afiq Mohd Hanif, 40, strives at work to ensure that his children’s needs are met.

He is a father of two: daughter Ayra Rayyan is 14 and son Aydan Qalif is nine and is on the autism spectrum.

Muhammad Afiq Mohd Anif (left) says planning for the future is important. He is seen in this picture with (second from left) Aydan Qalif, wife Ili Liyana Mokhtar Ihsan and Ayra Rayyan.

“As the family’s breadwinner, I do everything I can to provide for them. For instance, I have enrolled Aydan in a special school for autistic children,” Muhammad Afiq says.

Muhammad Afiq has made plans to secure his children’s future and has been working hard to make progress in his career with that in mind.

“Parents have to realise that today, you have to do things to upgrade yourselves. Not for anyone else, but your family.

“I’m an executive now and the older your children get, your abilities need to be consistent with their growing needs.

“You need to plan for the future. You need to think more about finances, set aside extra savings, especially for their education, or if you have enough, make some investments to grow your money.”

Braving the toil

Adam (not his real name), 35, is working diligently as an IT technician to make ends meet.

His wife is six months pregnant and Adam is racing against time to make enough savings for when the baby arrives.

“I have to moonlight for other companies. I am afraid that I may not have enough to buy everything for my baby. My wife is not working.

“I carry out my side jobs during the weekends. I am rarely at home during the day. Thankfully the other jobs do help supplement my savings. I hope I make enough.”

But Adam says the stress of working is getting to him.

“There are many times when I can’t sleep despite being tired. My mind is always about work, my wife, and our baby.

“My body aches from time to time. Sometimes, my heart beats fast whenever I think about my worries. Maybe it is anxiety. I’m not sure. I don’t have time to see the doctor.”

Adam’s wife has been supportive of him, he’s glad to say.

“My wife understands me. She is worried about my health but knows that as the current breadwinner, I have to pull out all the stops.”

Side jobs, responsibility and fulfilment

Hasan says it is a norm for fathers to moonlight or look for additional work to increase their incomes nowadays.

“Yes, there are many fathers who take side jobs. For example, I am the same. I am busy with my main job and I do not make much [from the tuition classes].

“But I can tell you that it does help. It is OK. I am doing this for my children.”

NGO Better Dads Malaysia (BDM), which advocates the development of father figures and parenting skills, says the concept of fathers spending time at work to provide for their families has been prevalent throughout the history of human civilisation across various cultures and societies.

Hong: Some fathers’ incomes may have been affected by the pandemic, compelling them to work harder or longer hours to make ends meet.

BDM president Joshua Hong, however, points out that it is plausible for fathers today to spend more time at work due to the current economic circumstances.

“While I don’t have specific figures or statistics at hand, it is plausible that this may be true, appearing as a trend due to the circumstances arising in the post-Covid- 19 economy, with inflation resulting from recent conflicts and other factors.

“It is worth considering that some fathers’ incomes may have been affected by the pandemic, compelling them to work harder or longer hours to make ends meet.

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But at the same time, Hong says men derive fulfilment from their achievements in their profession.

“I have observed that many men derive fulfilment and contentment from their work or chosen profession.

“Men often find confidence in their achievements, regardless of whether their work or craft generates substantial income, as the value people place on different aspects varies.”

Of course, contributions by their wives are not to be overlooked.

“It is important to acknowledge that since women have entered the workforce, we have witnessed a significant shift, with many cases of both parents working and men no longer being the sole breadwinners in families.”

Taking a breather

How does Adam cope with his stressful situation?

“I try my best to get enough sleep and remember that I am doing this for my family. I pray for things to get better.”

For Muhammad Afiq, spending time talking to his children after work and watching football does the trick.

“It is better if they like football too. But my daughter is into anime nowadays and the boy is still learning his way around. But as long as we talk, things are going well.”

Hasan goes the extra mile by gathering all of his children for a weekly “mini-lecture” at home. Understandably, seeing all of his children together during such sessions brings joy to Hasan.

“If some of them could not make it, then we will have an online session. I have a son studying in Russia and another in the United States.”

Hong says there is a growing trend among many men to get more involved in their children’s lives.

“They want to take on more active roles in parenting. This indicates a desire for greater balance and shared responsibilities within the family dynamic.”

Sunday Star wishes a happy Fathers Day to all fathers and father figures, especially those burning the candle at both ends.