‘Talk early, talk often’ about sex

Online danger: In the UK, one in 10 children has seen pornography by age nine – and with the Internet’s global nature, the stats could also apply to Malaysia’s children. — Filepic/Tribune News Service

IN the digital age, kids need a trusted source they can turn to with questions about love and sex – and research shows that parents and teachers should be that source. Avoiding the topic almost always increases a young person’s vulnerability to unprotected sex and related risks such as unplanned pregnancies, say experts.

This also includes other pressing issues such as toxic relationships and sexual exploitation or abuse in face-to-face and online contexts.

As Andrea Koh, a sexologist and member of women’s rights group All Women’s Action Society (Awam), stresses, talking to children about sex and providing comprehensive sex education are absolutely vital.

“Sex is a learned behaviour just like any other behaviour. Individuals may not know how to act appropriately or make good decisions relating to sexual behaviour if nobody teaches them about it.

“Even though there is plenty of information that one can Google, one may either not know what is true or false or misinterpret what one reads.

“This can lead to misinformed decisions in sex or our interactions in intimate relationships. Sex education thus seeks to address this by providing children with the right information,” she says.

Something to take note of are the results of a survey conducted in 2022 by Durex Malaysia’s Sexual Health and Intimate Wellness Survey on the sexual patterns of teens in Malaysia. The study found a two-fold increase in the number of youths engaging in sexual intercourse over the past six years (from 18.8% to 35.4%).

However, they remain ignorant about sexual health matters.

According to the Health Ministry’s National Health and Morbidity Survey (NHMS), out of 27,497 students from 212 schools nationwide surveyed in 2017, over 30% were sexually active before the age of 14, while 16.6% reported having had sexual intercourse with at least two partners.

But as the NHMS found, children and young people have poor access to sexual and reproductive health and research information and services. It was reported that they have limited access to: firstly, information on safe sex, contraceptives, adoption; secondly, termination of pregnancies (that are permissible under the law and certain circumstances such as rape) and shelters for unwed mothers and baby hatches; and thirdly, support and counselling.

Create correct culture before crisis

The Sexual Health and Intimate Wellness Survey 2022 meanwhile found that 60% of teens learnt about sex from popular culture and online media.

The worry is that this could have included pornographic material online.

While there is not much new data to indicate this in Malaysia, new research findings from the Children’s Commissioner for England that one in 10 British children have seen pornography by the age of nine raised further concerns of a similar phenomenon here due to the global nature of the Internet.

To borrow from Children’s Commissioner Dame Rachel de Souza, it is important for parents and carers to create the culture of talking to children about sex before any sex-related crisis occurs.

As she said in the foreword of the report, “Children have told us they want their mums and dads to create a safe, judgment-free space for them to talk about these issues. It’s better to do that before you hit a problem rather than trying to create that mood while you’re dealing with one.

“The overriding message you’ll see from our focus group is ‘talk early, talk often’. You might be surprised how early our young people felt parents need to start the conversation. But children want an age-appropriate conversation that evolves over time in line with their growing maturity. My advice to parents and carers is to create the culture before the crisis.”

In agreement, Koh advises parents to talk to their children about sex in a casual and calm manner.

She explains that when sensitive topics are discussed with children in a calm and comfortable environment, especially from a young age, they feel much safer about sharing anything with adults, be it good or bad – and even if they aren’t sure whether something is good or bad.

“Talking about sex provides that platform for open and non-judgemental communication and curiosity to explore and ask questions about the topic with an adult that they trust,” she says.

Hence, Koh reiterates that to further address this curiosity, comprehensive sex education should be introduced to children and teens.

“Comprehensive sex education allows them to learn about places to seek help from, a proper outlet to gather the right information, and introduce them to people they can trust on this issue,” she says.

This, she adds, reduces the chances of them relying on information from sources that are untrustworthy.

She notes that not talking about what is still considered by some as a “taboo” topic increases children’s vulnerability to unprotected sex and related risks such as unplanned pregnancies.

As we are seeing, unplanned teen pregnancies and abandoned babies are grave issues in this country. Between 2017 and 2022, the Health Ministry recorded 41,083 teen pregnancies, of which 35%, or 14,561 cases, were out of wedlock. Additionally, in 2021, statistics showed that an average of 100 babies are abandoned every year in Malaysia.

Comprehensive sex education

OrphanCare advocacy and communications manager Riza Alwi believes that being more open to talking about sex with our young will aid in Malaysia’s long battle against baby dumping and accidental pregnancies among our youth.

“Apart from giving awareness to women facing these situations, awareness should also be created for everyone as well on the importance of giving support regardless of what causes the pregnancy because their act of support can save lives,” Riza says.

She points out that as sex education is a wide topic by itself, it needs to be tailored for children and youth based on their age, environment, and exposure.

Riza believes it should be considered that education in any form has a stronger effect on young children.

“Hence the saying ‘start them young’,” she says.

As children grow, they face growing pains and changes, and comprehensive sex education will eventually come in handy in handling these issues, she adds.

“This is why it is important to create awareness about the physical, mental, and emotional changes that children will face as they grow up.

“These changes include a change in their feelings, their bodies, their interest in the opposite sex, relationships and about sexual harassment, rape, boundaries, abstinence, and even safe sex,” she says.

Koh notes that often many believe that sex education should only be taught by the child’s parents. This, she says, is far from the case.

Concurring, Riza says teachers play a big role in sharing the right information with children as well.

This sharing of information, she adds, must be delivered in a “non-scientific” way.

In other words, a more relatable approach that engage students. Moreover, it should be done with no judgement whatsoever, she says.

“That will allow students to be more open about sharing and asking questions which will enhance their safety and knowledge,” she says.

However, Koh believes sharing with parents and guardians about the goals of sex education is a crucial entry point to get them on the same page about the importance of sex education for young children and adolescents.

Examples of such goals include developing interpersonal skills and exercising responsibility regarding intimate relationships.

Furthermore, an important benefit that would be highly relatable to parents would be that being a part of this journey with their children means reducing their child’s vulnerability to sexual crimes.

“Especially at times like these where almost everyone is online, this will help a child stay clear of any sort of child grooming activities, sexual exploitation, child pornography, and so on,” she says.