Is it okay for children to play doctor?

The other day I discovered my preschooler playing “doctor” with a neighbourhood friend. I've always believed that this kind of innocent sexuality was normal in young children, but when the situation arose I felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. How would you handle this if you were in my place?

This is really just a question of having the wisdom and discernment to dispense age-appropriate sex education to your kids as the situation warrants it. The cultural messages kids are receiving about sex may make the task more difficult, but if you're modelling healthy attitudes toward sexuality at home, there's no reason to be overly concerned about the incident you've described.

Because sexuality is a central part of life, it's only natural for children to want to know about it. This is why it's important to take the initiative to teach your kids about sex in your own way and on your own terms - otherwise, they're probably going to learn about it somewhere else, and there's no telling if the information they pick up will be accurate or healthy.

The good news is that it's never too late to begin this process. The fact that you caught your child “playing doctor” with one of the neighbour's kids doesn't imply that you've got a lost cause on your hands.

Curiosity, then, is normal and should be expected. Sexual touch, on the other hand, is a more serious matter. Complications can arise when the game of “doctor” involves such touching, and for this reason it should not be condoned or ignored.

If this kind of behaviour was a part of the play you witnessed, you should alert the parents of the other child and see what can be done to prevent it from reccurring.

Naturally, both sets of parents need to be careful not to shame their children. Punishment certainly isn't merited in a case like this. Here again, the best solution is simply to stay current with good sex education in the home and enforce healthy personal boundaries.

In this connection, it's worth adding that where adequate sex education is lacking, naivete can sometimes lead to sexual experimentation. And while some sexual experimentation is typical even in healthy children, each situation deserves to be considered carefully and on an individual basis.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia (www.family.org.my) and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” by Dr James Dobson with permission.