Travelling with a toddler can be ... trying

Bright-eyed and bushy tailed ... just when mum and dad have turned into zombies after a long flight. Just one of the challenges parents face when travelling with toddlers. (PS: This is not Will, the columnist's son, though he too stayed wide awake!) — 123rf.com

Long-haul flights can be rough. And since we’ve had our boy we’ve realised that one great truth: Everything is harder with a toddler.

Take the 10-hour flight my wife and I took to Romania a couple of months back. We had it all planned out. A red eye flight. Will, our son, would get to the airport, be excited, settle down, and fall asleep in his stroller. Then we’d board the plane quietly, continuing to let him sleep, until he wakes up for breakfast on the plane, and we would land.

We were high on hopium.

There’s a saying: no plan survives contact with the enemy; or another way to say it is, plan all you want but reality will do whatever it wants. And when that reality is a toddler, you better believe they’re doing whatever they want.

So how did our plan go in reality? Maybe 1% of it came to fruition.

We got to the airport as planned, and then it all went sideways. The check-in line took an hour, during which time Will got more and more amped up that he was in an airport and had a little luggage bag he could carry.

This rolled into him not sleeping at all before we boarded the plane. But we were certain that once on the plane, his little toddler self would be exhausted and he would pass out.

Ha. This is me laughing at my past self’s silly assumptions.

We got on that plane and Will proceeded to be awake for every single second of the 10-hour flight. I’ll give him credit though, he wasn’t grumpy or crying. Mostly, he maintained his toddler exuberance the whole time, but that contrasted with our middle- aged fatigue, making it a difficult 10 hours, sitting upright in chairs stuck in a metal tube.

Why do I bring this up now? Months after the trip?

Because we’re preparing to fly to Toronto, Canada, to visit my parents and let Will meet his grandparents for the first time after almost three years. Being a Covid baby is tough.

But the flight to Canada makes the flight to Romania look like a quick jaunt down the street. To get to Canada we’re looking at an eight-hour flight to the Middle East, followed by 14 hours to Toronto. With a two-hour stopover in between.

For those of you who like maths, that’s 22 hours of flying, with probably about five hours of waiting time in airports. With a toddler who doesn’t sleep on planes.

Now I know what true fear is.

There is no best case contingency for this scenario. If Will does sleep, which I would assume he must, we’re picturing him sleeping during the first eight-hour leg, which would leave him wide awake and alert for the next 14 hours, just when my wife and I will most likely resemble extras from The Walking Dead.

Even for an adult, 14 hours is a long time to be on a flight, so I fully envision Will declaring he’s tired of being on the plane and wants off, and I’ll check the time and we’ll still have eight hours left in the flight.

I repeat, the fear is real.So what to do with him? I’ve scoured the Internet. Lots of things sound good. Colouring books. Puzzles. Breaking the screen-time rule and letting him watch hour after hour after hour of inane cartoon programming.

It all that sounds good, but the thing is, Will – like most toddlers – can cycle through that list of activities in about 40 minutes. That leaves – let me check my watch – 13 hours and 20 minutes of travel time.

Fear. Dread. It’s a part of me now.

This flight has to happen. My boy has to meet his grandparents and extended family, something he’s been without this entire time.

So for better or worse my wife and I will spend at least 22 hours on a plane with a toddler. But my parents better be ready for their grandson – the ever bouncy and energetic toddler – and have appropriate healthcare facilities standing by for his parents.

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Big Smile, No Teeth columnist Jason Godfrey – a model who once was told to give the camera a ‘big smile, no teeth’ – has worked internationally for two decades in fashion and continues to work in dramas, documentaries, and lifestyle programming. Write to him at [e-mail] and follow him on Instagram @bigsmilenoteeth and facebook.com/bigsmilenoteeth. The views expressed here are entirely the writer's own.