A groomer manipulates a child or a vulnerable person through emotional control, gaining trust before exploiting them sexually or psychologically. Photo: Freepik
In a recent Instagram post, Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) brought fresh attention to a deeply troubling issue that continues to plague many societies: sexual grooming.
The post, which is part of a social media campaign, was prompted by the tragic death of Korean actress Kim Sae-Ron, 24, whose past relationship with K-pop star Kim Soo-Hyun, 37, is now under renewed scrutiny.
Kim was reportedly groomed by Soo-Hyun from the young age of 15 – a disturbing but not uncommon pattern, as WAO reminded Malaysians.
Sexual grooming is a method of manipulation that predators use to exploit and abuse minors, often while flying under the radar.
It’s subtle, calculated, and extremely dangerous – and worse, it is often misunderstood or dismissed altogether.
The perpetrator usually tries to gain the trust of the young person and makes them feel special or loved, with the aim of sexually exploiting them later.Grooming is not an act of sudden violence or overt threat. It is, by nature, insidious.
Groomers manipulate a child or vulnerable person through emotional control, gaining trust before exploiting them sexually or psychologically. It can be hard to detect because it often appears as affection, mentorship or friendship, says WAO.
The process typically follows five stages: target selection (identifying a vulnerable victim); gaining trust (befriending the child or their family); building emotional dependence (making the victim feel special or loved); desensitisation and isolation (introducing inappropriate topics or behaviour and cutting off other influences); exploitation and control (initiating abuse and ensuring silence through fear, guilt or shame).
Groomers could be anyone – a family friend, religious leader, teacher or even a potential romantic partner.
While global headlines may focus on celebrities, the issue is disturbingly close to home.
Malaysia has seen its fair share of cases where the offence was overlooked, even defended, says WAO.
Take the case of a Dublin-based child psychiatrist who groomed and abused a teenage girl with mental health struggles, offering her therapy in exchange for sexual access. According to an Irish Times report in December 2024, Amirul Arif Mohd Yunos was sentenced to eight years and six months’ jail. But WAO says that despite his conviction, some people stood by him, offering glowing testimonials.
"This kind of support contributes to a culture where victims are silenced and abusers shielded," WAO adds.
"Equally troubling is the case of Nur Fitri Azmeer Nordin, who was convicted in Britain in 2015 for possessing over 30,000 images of child pornography. Because Malaysia’s child sex offender registry was only established in 2017, his name was never included. He went on to study and teach – a chilling example of how the system has failed."
WAO points to the normalisation of grooming in Malaysian society.
"In another instance, a man (bus driver) known online as 'Abang Bas' posted a video on TikTok (in September 2024) about a nine-year-old schoolgirl on his bus, calling her his 'crush' with a heart emoji. Despite the inappropriateness, some netizens defended him – a stark sign of how society trivialises such behaviour," adds WAO. Globally, grooming is also masked as romantic relationships.
Hollywood celebrities like Demi Lovato and Henry Cavill have spoken of or been scrutinised for relationships with significant age gaps that began when one partner was a teenager. Lovato has since described these relationships as "gross" and symptomatic of her "daddy issues" – shedding light on how manipulation can be misinterpreted as love.
At the core of grooming is the desire to control, says WAO.
"Men like Andrew Tate, a controversial online figure, publicly state their preference for young women ... when what they really mean is these young women are easier to manipulate. The law may say 18 is the legal age, but the line is often pushed further back through grooming."
"The idea of young girls being pure and naive is used as a justification for men to prey on them. The problem isn’t just with individual predators. Often, it’s with the systems and social attitudes that protect them," cautions WAO.
"This is a form of gender-based violence," it says. "Don’t be afraid to speak up. And know that it’s never the victim’s fault."
WAO urges anyone who suspects grooming to contact their hotline to seek support.
More info: wao.org.my/ (WAO website) or @womensaidorg (Instagram)
