BEIJING (SCMP): A growing number of young people in China are breaking from tradition by marrying their best friends to escape family pressure and societal prejudice.
The trend is called “friendship marriage” and involves two people who, rather than having romantic love or sexual ties, maintain their relationship based on shared values and interests.
Legally, they are spouses and often live together, though sleeping in separate rooms.
Both partners are free to date outside the marriage, and if they decide to have children, they can choose artificial insemination or adoption.
In Japan, agencies exist that specialise in matchmaking for friendship marriages, catering to a range of clients, including asexual individuals, homosexuals, and heterosexuals disillusioned with traditional marriage.
In China, the trend is similar but tends to be more discreet.
Meilan, a woman in her late 20s from southwestern China’s Chongqing, married her best friend four years ago.
After registering their marriage, the couple opted not to hold a wedding or exchange traditional gifts, and both agreed not to have children.
Meilan said that their marriage allows them to be each other’s legal guardians, enabling them to make decisions for each other in cases of a medical emergency.
She said that they rarely socialise with others and have little contact with relatives.
Their parents do not understand their decision but have no say, as both are financially independent.
The couple earns over 10,000 yuan (US$1,400) a month each. They each contributed 500,000 yuan (US$68,000) to buy a home in the suburbs and split the costs of renovation.
They sleep in separate rooms, have no sexual relationship, and maintain their own personal space at home.
“My husband and I are roommates who live together but are also family,” Meilan said.
They also save part of their salaries in a joint account to pay for travelling.
The couple also share details of their life on mainland social media and have attracted more than 12,000 followers.
One netizen said: “I really admire the way you two interact. Two friends who love life, are independent yet mutually supportive.”
“You are very lucky to have found each other,” another wrote.
Chloe, 33, a woman from Shanghai, married her university friend last year.
“Women my age are all getting married and having kids,” Chloe told the Post, adding: “A friendship marriage helps avoid gossip.”
Chloe expressed concerns about being drawn into her husband’s family matters.
She and her husband signed a prenuptial agreement covering shared household expenses, separate property ownership, and visits to each other’s relatives.
Chloe also said there was a “divorce trigger” in the agreement: “If either of us finds true love one day and wants a traditional marriage, we can divorce.”
The couple plans to tell their parents about their friendship marriage at the “right time” and may consider adoption.
Pan Lian, a family relationship consultant in Hubei province in central China, says friendship marriages help maintain individual independence.
“However, these relationships can be unstable. It is not suitable for everyone as an escape from reality,” she said.
“Friendship marriages are a temporary solution to societal pressures and may fade once affordable housing and single benefits improve.” - South China Morning Post
