MIAMI, April 30 (Reuters) - Cadillac Formula One driver Valtteri Bottas has revealed that the sport left him struggling with an eating disorder in his early career and then on the brink of depression as 'wingman' to seven-times world champion Lewis Hamilton.
The Finn, now 36, is enjoying a fresh start with newcomers Cadillac and preparing to compete in his 250th career F1 race in Miami this weekend.
In a long and revealing 'Born Crazy' article for the Players' Tribune, the 10-times race winner opened up on past mental struggles and the challenges he has overcome.
After a rookie season in 2013, Bottas returned to find Williams expecting their car to be overweight and suggesting he should lose five kilos to compensate.
"When you tell me five kilos in two months, my brain thinks, “Five? Why not 10? We can make the car even quicker.So I started eating steamed broccoli and a bit of steamed cauliflower for almost every meal," he wrote.
Comparing himself to a delusional drug addict, convincing himself he was feeling fine, he would wake up at 4 a.m. with his heart beating rapidly and his body "in starvation mode".
He said he started having dizzy spells when in a crowd and heart palpitations when working out but remained in denial until eventually seeking the help of a sports psychologist and admitting he was unwell.
"I kept everything from my team and even my teammates. Even my family didn’t know," he said.
"In the paddock, you can’t show any weakness. Only my coach and my doctor knew what was going on. It took me almost two years to feel like myself again. It’s funny because if you just watched my races, you probably wouldn’t know anything was wrong."
As Hamilton's teammate at Mercedes from 2017, after Nico Rosberg won the title and retired, Bottas said he struggled after being told to move aside for the Briton and referred to as a 'wingman'.
"To this day, I have complicated feelings about it. I don’t know how to answer when people ask me about it, because Lewis is an incredible driver and a friend," he said.
"I have no bad blood with Mercedes or (boss) Toto (Wolff) or anyone. But the whole situation almost made me walk away from the sport."
Speaking to reporters on Thursday, Bottas -- a keen cyclist with many business interests outside Formula One including wine making -- said the sport was now in a very different place and so was he.
"I think it's definitely a more welcoming environment for everyone in F1, in the whole world now," he said.
"I think it's important to highlight that we're all humans. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has their struggles or has had their issues. And then hopefully somebody can learn from other people's mistakes (rather) than doing it all yourself."
(Reporting by Alan Baldwin; editing by Clare Fallon)
