ONCE, while struggling with depression, Lukman told his mother that he was ready to jump off a building.
“My mother didn’t realise that she was one of my biggest trigger factors with her nagging, overbearing presence and how she tried to solve my problems.
“Something happened and I told her that she is one of the reasons I am suicidal and that I was ready to jump off a building," recalls the 44-year old lad from Perak.
Lukman (not his real name) suffers from both bipolar disorder and attention deficit disorder that could see him very depressed to the point of being suicidal before going through short periods of sudden rage or manic, hyperactive episodes when he becomes overconfident and very energetic for about a week, only to crash into a deep slump again.
Growing up, his parents could not handle him.
"They were less understanding compared to my younger sister,” he says.
It was only later at the age of 28 years old that Lukman managed to seek help through medication and sessions with psychiatrists.
"I realised as I grow older, it becomes harder to rein in my depression as it is too exhausting.
“Once I am on medication, my mood visibly stabilised but intoxicants can sometimes make me feel depressed," he added.
Lukman is not alone with having to grapple with his depression and suicidal thoughts.
According to statistics released in Parliament in July this year, four in every five suicide cases in Malaysia involve men.
Malaysian Mental Health Association president Prof Datuk Dr Andrew Mohanraj.
Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Dr Ahmad Zahid Hamidi told Dewan Rakyat that out of the total of 4,440 suicide cases recorded nationwide since 2021, the majority involved men, with over 3,600 cases. In contrast, more than 780 involved women.
More alarmingly, the number of suicides, warned Ahmad Zahid, has surged, particularly since 2021, with almost or over 1,000 cases per year.
“There were 609 cases in 2019, 621 in 2020, 1,142 in 2021, 981 in 2022, and 1,087 last year,” he was reported as saying.
‘On the brink’
Suicide rates among men in the country, admits Malaysian Mental Health Association president Prof Datuk Dr Andrew Mohanraj, have been a growing concern.
"Men are often more reluctant to seek help for mental health issues due to stigma, which can result in unaddressed psychological distress.
"Rising awareness in the media and among mental health advocates has brought more attention to this silent crisis.
“Unfortunately, there is still a lack of adequate services and support systems tailored to men, contributing to continued high rates of suicide," he says in an interview with The Star.
This despite there having been a gradual shift in cultural attitudes, with more public figures and mental health campaigns addressing the importance of vulnerability and emotional openness for men, including Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Trevor Noah and Prince Andrew.
Toxic masculinity and societal expectations continue to discourage men from seeking mental health care, explains Dr Andrew, who is a consultant psychiatrist.
Many men, he adds, feel the pressure to be emotionally stoic, which worsens mental health issues.
"Relationship challenges, divorce, and family-related stress contribute significantly to the mental health burden among Malaysian men. Emotional conflict, particularly involving financial pressure, can exacerbate issues like depression and anxiety," he elaborates.
An example would be this.
When Norman G (not his real name) told his former boss about his depression, the man said:
“Don't tell the world about your depression, people will judge you for it.”
Norman is used to facing discrimination from people and the workplaces due to his condition.
"That I was told that I might be ‘unstable’ due to my depression - although I was doing much better from medical therapy - was one of the realities I faced,” he reveals.
"People living with mental health illnesses but who are able to function normally and be productive face discrimination.
“Sometimes, they are deprived of accessing jobs to lead a normal life," says the 37-year old from Kuching, Sarawak.
Many men, notes Justin Yap, do not seek counselling because they do not want to be seen as 'weak'.
"Some believe that speaking about their problem is a sign of weakness, while others prefer to be self-reliant and 'try to work it out by themself.”
"There are also those who are shy or embarrassed to speak about their problems as they don’t want to air dirty laundry in public or they are concerned about confidentiality," adds the counsellor.
Men are less likely to seek help than women, with many in society who either “don’t believe in mental illness or have a limited ability to recognise mental ill health".
‘Stumbling block’
Identifying and addressing mental health issues among Malaysian men, Dr Andrew points out, presents several challenges rooted in cultural, social, and systemic factors, adding that these hinder early detection, intervention and access to appropriate mental health care.
"Traditional cultural beliefs in Malaysia, especially around masculinity, view emotional expression and seeking help as signs of weakness. Men are often expected to remain stoic, resilient, and emotionally controlled.
"This discourages them from acknowledging their struggles or seeking professional help,” he says.
Men, Dr Andrew admits, may also downplay or hide their symptoms of depression, anxiety or stress to align with societal expectations, resulting in delayed diagnoses and treatment.
But really, how difficult do guys find it to talk about their mental state, or specific mental health problems?
Men, stresses Yap, who is also the Director of Clinical Training at Monash University Malaysia, don’t talk, unless in a crisis.
"If men feel uncomfortable acknowledging their feelings, or talking about them, what kind of mental health care will be suitable for them?
"(Men) need to discover why they won’t talk. If it’s due to fear of vulnerability and appearing weak, then the stakes need to be reduced," he said.
There are ways that therapists and counsellors can help men communicate with their emotions, insists Yap.
"To know how to start the conversations with them - like talking about work stress, rather than just feelings...(and) empathy and multicultural sensitivity help professionals be observant of their client.
"The best therapist tends to be direct but has great tact. After all, therapy is a psychological experience," he adds.
How we can help men talk about depression? by BERNARD CHEAH by The Star
On World Suicide Prevention Day - observed Sept 10 annually -, the Health Ministry said it will work with strategic partners to help prevent suicide cases in the country.
Among the measures include the introduction of Talian HEAL 15555 (Help with Empathy and Love) - a hotline operated by counsellors that runs daily from 8am to 12 midnight, training for media personnel and frontliners through the MySAVE (Malaysia Suicide Awareness Voice of Hope) programme to bring awareness on producing news related to suicide, and the development of the National Suicide and Fatal Injury Registry Malaysia (NSFIRM), which is expected to be operational in early 2025 to provide statistics on suicide.
"By changing the negative assumption and perception, we can help those affected to get the needed help," the ministry added, noting that is supports the theme of the World Suicide Prevention Day - ‘Changing the Narrative on Suicide’.
'A long, winding road forward’
Lukman believes that while his illness has led him to make regrettable decisions, if he and others like him were given treatment early, he would have been a better person.
"I openly speak about my situation because I intend to normalise this discussion. A greater understanding of mental illness is important for society as a whole, especially for those suffering from it."
"From my perspective, if society and those who suffer from mental health issues are more open and accepting about it, those who suffer from mental health problems will no longer have to hide or face prejudice from those who don’t understand.”
Norman urges authorities in the country to make mental health treatment more accessible to more people.
"Support our fellow Malaysian men to seek help, not doubling down on them. You'll never know that kindness can go far by paying it forward.
"Today, I am more productive and in control of my own life, managing my mental health better.
"More importantly, learning to accept that it is okay not to feel okay, that it is alright to feel sad and pain from disappointment, and all these shall pass too."
