Turning 30 isn’t an ending. It is a beginning, says the writer. — Pexels
WHY does the number 30 send chills down so many spines?
For women especially, the approach of this milestone often feels like a ticking clock, as if life has handed us an invisible checklist to complete before our 30th birthday.
Is this anxiety born of societal expectations? Are we unconsciously programmed to believe that by 30, we must have it all? A stable career, a stable relationship, and a sense of personal fulfilment?
What is it about 30 that makes it so monumental?
The weight of societal expectations
From an early age, we’re fed the idea that 30 is a defining moment, a metaphorical finish line for life’s major milestones.
If we imagine life as a story, society tells us that the first three chapters (our 20s) are for planting seeds, hustling in our careers, building relationships, and setting goals.
So by chapter four (our 30s), those seeds should have grown into a beautiful, flourishing garden.
But what if your garden doesn’t look like the picture- perfect one society paints? What if some seeds are still sprouting, or worse, you’re in the middle of replanting entirely?
For many, the transition to 30 feels less like a celebration and more like an alarm bell, warning us that we’re “running out of time”.
Why 30? The cultural and psychological significance
Thirty feels significant for several reasons.
Across cultures, 30 often symbolises maturity and adulthood. It’s the age many expect people to be “settled”, with clear markers like marriage, kids, and a steady job.
For women, 30 is often tied to concerns about fertility, as societal and biological narratives emphasise the “ticking clock”.
Developmental psychology suggests that our 30s are a time of introspection, a natural point to evaluate our lives and compare them to our earlier dreams and current reality. In short, 30 feels like a checkpoint in the race of lives, where we pause to measure our progress.
The trap of comparison: A bigger, noisier world
As the new year begins and you realise that 30 is just around the corner, it’s like hearing an unspoken rule whispered by society: By now, you should have it all figured out.
Suddenly, the world seems bigger, louder, and filled with people who seem to have it all figured out. You start comparing your achievements with others: Who got promoted? Who’s married? Who has kids?. Before you know it, your mind is flooded with noise and doubt.
But does this mental chatter serve any purpose? Does it help you achieve your goals, or does it only make the noise louder? Often, we don’t stop to ask ourselves this question.
Instead, we victimise ourselves, feeling like the world is against us. But here’s the truth; the world isn’t against you. It’s indifferent. And that’s a good thing because it means you are free to chart your own course.
Turning 30 is like flipping through the pages of a book, only to stop at a chapter titled “What Have You Done So Far?” It’s easy to feel like the world is conspiring against you, casting you as a victim of time and circumstance.
While self-reflection can be healthy, we often forget to reflect with kindness and compassion. Instead of focusing on what you haven’t achieved, ask yourself: “What scares me the most about turning 30?”
“Are my current thoughts helping me move forward, or are they holding me back? What do I value most at this point in my life?”
For many, the early 30s mark a time of reflection. We assess our career progression, relationships, and past experiences.
The 20s are often whirlwind years spent hustling, taking risks, and laying the groundwork for our future. We complete our education, start our careers, and navigate the ebb and flow of friendships. Many of us begin dating seriously or even settle into marriage.
By the time we approach 30, we expect to see the fruits of our labour, as though life is a garden that blooms on a strict schedule.
Think of your life as a book. Every chapter is important, but no single chapter defines the whole story. If your 20s were about planting seeds, your 30s can be about tending the garden, not rushing the harvest.
When the seeds don’t sprout
But what if you’re 30 and still in transition? What if you’re pivoting to a new career, seeking deeper personal connections, or still searching for your path? Does that mean you’ve failed to meet society’s expectations? Absolutely not.
Take the example of JK Rowling, who was 31 when she published her first Harry Potter book. Or Vera Wang, who became a fashion designer at 40. Life doesn’t have a single timeline, and success isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept.
If you’re single and looking for a partner, yes, it might feel harder at 30 because your expectations and goals have evolved. If you’re married, you might feel pressure to have children, especially if you’re a woman. But rather than letting these societal expectations overwhelm you, focus on what you truly want, not what you think you should want.
The journey vs the destination
What if we shift our focus from the destination to the journey? Think of life as a road trip. When we set a GPS destination, we expect to arrive quickly and efficiently. But what if there’s traffic or roadblocks? Does that mean the trip was a failure? Of course not.
Life isn’t a race with a set finish line. It’s more like a road trip, where detours often lead to the most breathtaking views. Just because you haven’t reached your destination yet doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Sometimes, taking the longer, scenic route teaches you more than arriving on time ever could.
So instead of obsessing over where you “should” be by 30, enjoy the process of exploring. Not knowing the destination can be liberating, opening doors to opportunities you never considered.
Practical steps to manage 30-anxiety
So what do you do when you’re mapping out your new birthday goals and find yourself stuck in this mental loop?
First, take a deep breath. Don’t panic. Step back and ask yourself: What’s really going on here? What scares me the most? Rather than challenging whether these thoughts are true or false, assess whether they are helpful or productive. Ask yourself: What do I truly need right now?
Revisit your values, think about the experiences and values that matter most to you, and use them as a compass for your decisions.
Celebrate small wins, every step forward, no matter how small is progress. And seek support. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist to gain perspective and reassurance.
You’ve lived for 30 years, three decades filled with unique experiences, values, and lessons. What’s most important to you at this moment?
When you think about your happiest moments, those times when your “mood meter” was at a 10, what gave your life meaning then?
A new beginning
Turning 30 isn’t an ending. It is a beginning. It’s the start of a new chapter where you can bring the lessons of your 20s to the table while exploring new possibilities. If your 20s were about building the foundation, your 30s can be about decorating the house and making it uniquely yours.
Perhaps it’s time to shift your focus from the destination to the journey. Instead of obsessing over where you think you should be, embrace the process of exploration and growth.
This is just a chapter, not the whole book. Like all periods of life, this too shall pass. So let go of the pressure, and allow yourself to enjoy the ride. Keep turning the pages, who knows? The best parts of your story might still be unwritten.
Idzzty Hassan is a clinical psychologist, working closely with children and adolescents. The views expressed here are solely the writer’s own.
