Not ‘too young’ or ‘too old’

Alyson: We should not let society’s standards determine where we should be in life.

Ageism – we may not often notice it but everyone around us, including ourselves, has played a part in keeping it relevant in this day and age.

Kids are considered “too young” to understand certain things, while teenagers’ emotions are often not taken seriously.

The constant question of “When are you getting married, ah?” at family gatherings is all too familiar for those in their 20s.

Those wearing “trendy” clothing at 30 are judged for “not dressing their age”. And once you hit 40, you are expected to have already settled down with a stable job and a lovely family.

In this way, ageism has also been hardwired into my brain. Having just graduated from secondary school, I can’t help but think about what people my age should or should not be doing right now.

Some have got a part-time job, some are learning how to drive, some are busy applying to colleges and some have already figured out what they want to do in the future.

This puts a lot of pressure on me to do those things as well.

Without school to keep me in check, it is all up to me to take the initiative in my life. In order to stay on top of the game, I have to jump on the bandwagon to start charting my future. I have to stop wasting precious time binge-watching shows for the entire day.

So, I rushed to get busy. I signed up for driving lessons, took on a part-time job as a waitress and put more thought into my future than ever before – all to ensure I would not be behind my peers.

But soon, I realised that nothing would ever feel like enough. Similar to any other form of discrimination, ageism causes us to feel insecure and to start comparing ourselves to people who are more successful and accomplished than us.

This doesn’t only apply to secondary school graduates like me.

Entertaining ageism in our society makes it tough for people of all age groups in a variety of ways. Some are discouraged from doing the things they love, some are barred from expressing themselves, and others are hesitant to pursue dreams as they may already be “too late”.

There is an unspoken limit of time we put on people to achieve certain milestones.

The truth is, it’s never too late. We should not let society’s standards determine where we should be in life. And though we may not be able to keep from comparing ourselves to others, we can be more understanding towards one another.

We can spread encouragement and banish ageism from our mindsets altogether.

So what, if you end up a little behind all the others in your age group? So what, if those empty, unfulfilled checkboxes make you look out of place? Different people move at different paces and that’s totally okay. So, take your time. Do everything one step at a time. And remember to always give yourself some time to smell the flowers along your journey. After all, life isn’t a race, and there is plenty of room for everyone to thrive.

Alyson, 18, a student in Kuala Lumpur, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team.

For updates on the BRATs programme, go to facebook.com/niebrats.