Children seeking forgiveness and blessings from their parents during Hari Raya Aidilfitri. — Filepic
One of the most exciting seasons in a Muslim’s year is Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
Social media feeds will usually be abuzz with Raya outfits of the day (OOTD) and heart-warming family reunions.
After two long years of Covid-19 restrictions, this year’s celebration was undeniably special for many.
Finally, we could be together with our loved ones and have a proper celebration.
On April 1 when the Malaysia-Singapore border was finally reopened, netizens uploaded videos of happy Malaysians who had been stuck in Singapore honking their vehicle horns joyfully as they crossed the Causeway to return home.
I won’t lie; I might have shed a tear or two when I watched those videos. At that moment, I knew that this year’s Hari Raya would be a meaningful one for so many Malaysians.
While this festive season is about love and forgiveness for most, I would like to take the time to remember those who feel like outcasts within their own families.
Those who are constantly made to feel lesser by being compared to their siblings or simply ostracised for being who they are.
On the first morning of Hari Raya, families traditionally seek forgiveness from each other, especially children from their parents.
There is an expectation that society has placed on children to always seek forgiveness from their parents but rarely have I seen the tables turn the other way.
While Hari Raya is a time of hearty reunions for most of us, these reunions can bring stress and fear for others.
The thought of being around family may bring distress or even trigger specific traumas.
I have previously read stories on social media about toxic family members who verbally abused, criticised or even went as far as disowning their children for reasons such as not living up to expectations.
This is especially rampant in Asian culture, especially among older generations of parents, and the young are supposed to just accept it and forgive their elders.
It is not uncommon to hear people say, “At the end of the day, they are still your parents”.
Many of us were taught that our parents knew best and therefore, we should not expect an apology.
However, acceptance and forgiveness of past behaviour do not necessarily mean that you have to keep toxic family members in your lives.
Sometimes, distance is what’s best for both parties to heal.
You are not obligated to neglect yourself to maintain peace with those who do not have your best interests at heart.
With that being said, now is the perfect time for parents, especially those from the older generations, to open up their hearts and acknowledge that perhaps they, too, are not free from mistakes.
Seeking forgiveness from your children, even for upsetting interactions that happened long ago, does not make you weak or take away your authority.
More than anything else, taking the responsibility to make amends shows strength.
Most importantly, it lets your children know that they are loved.
As a child, I knew how badly I needed to hear my parents apologise for hurting my feelings.
Now as a mother, I understand the utmost importance of ensuring your children know they can be safe with you.
I hope this Hari Raya brought joy to you and your loved ones.
It has been a long time since we were together. Make every second count.
Shafiqah Othman is a women and children’s rights activist who has worked with various non-governmental organisations that focus on issues of fundamental human rights. She believes in the importance of intersectionality and strives to lend her platform to silenced voices.
The views expressed here are the writer’s own.
