Can I change my personality?

One of the characteristics of an extrovert is enjoying working in teams and with people, rather than alone. — Filepic

We talked about introverts the last time. Now, I would like to know more about the opposite: extroverts. For example, my brother is always going out with his friends. He is talkative and outgoing, and always needs to be with people. Is he an extrovert?

He may well be.

Extroversion is an aspect of a personality characterised by expressive and outgoing behaviours.

People who tend to be on the extrovert side of the spectrum are usually very talkative, warm, sociable and active.

The renowned psychologist Carl Jung – who, along with Sigmund Freud, is considered one of the fathers of modern psychology – defined an extrovert as someone who feels energised by the external world and social interactions.

This is opposed to introverts, who feel energised when they can be alone to recharge their batteries.

What does it take to be an extrovert? How can I tell if I am an extrovert?

You are more likely to be in the extrovert part of the spectrum if:

• You like being with people in general, which may include family and friends.

  You like social settings and are excited about meeting new people.

  You get inspiration and energy from other people.

• You like trying new things.
• You like working with people and teams, rather than working alone.
• You are seen as a people person, and can be considered a good and effective leader.
• You are energetic.
• You love being the centre of attention.
• You are okay with new and unfamiliar situations.
• You like solving problems by talking through them with other people instead of solving them alone.

  You like talking through your issues out loud.

• You make new friends very easily.
• You can happily strike up conversations with total strangers.
• You are sometimes impulsive.
• You don’t usually turn down invitations to parties or social settings.

  In fact, you may be the one who is always organising social settings.

• You adapt easily to different situations.
• You don’t mind taking risks.

  In fact, it thrills you to take risks because your brain receives a boost of dopamine, which gives you happiness.

I feel like a lot of what you describe above applies to me, but I also have some characteristics from the introvert part of the spectrum. For example, I love working in teams and being with my friends. But I also need to go home to be alone and recharge my batteries. So am I an introvert or extrovert?

Most people fall between the spectrum of introversion and extroversion; it is not always all or nothing.

Some people are more towards the extroverted side of the spectrum, and some more towards the introverted side.

And many people are also right in the middle.

If you have equal amounts of the characteristics of introversion and extroversion, then you may be an ambivert.

For example, at work, you may be a leader of many teams.

You enjoy leading meetings and interacting with many different types of people.

But once you are home after a busy day, you may need to unwind and recharge alone with just a glass of something nice and a good television show.

Is it possible to change personalities as we age? I feel that I was pretty shy as a child, but I am not shy today as an adult.

People can definitely change personalities over a lifetime.

You may be an introvert as a child, preferring to read books alone and not spend time with schoolmates.

But as you grow up, you may want to socialise more in secondary school and university, and go out every night with your friends.

Then, as an adult, you may prefer to have a job that does not require you to interact much with people.

As you grow even older, you may find more joy and energy in interactions with your family and friends, and you may not like to be alone so much any more.

So yes, your personality can change as you grow older.

In fact, you can also work to change your personality if you don’t like the one you have with the help of therapists and self-help programmes.

I thought we were born with our personalities?

Most psychological experts agree that personalities change over time.

Freud theorised that personality development is made of three elements:

• The Id

  This is present at your birth.

  It is also called temperament, and it is unconscious and instinctive in you.

  For example, you may have been a stubborn baby who refuses to sleep, or a fretful toddler who is prone to temper tantrums.

• The Ego

  This develops between birth and the age of three years.

  This is the ‘you’ who expresses your own Id, e.g. suppressing what you really want or expressing it to the world.

• The Superego

  This develops between the ages of three to five years.

  This is the inner voice that controls your impulses and lends rise to your thoughts.

Freud believed that the Superego consists of your ideal self – who you really aspire to be – and your conscience.

Your aspirational self may suppress your natural urges to throw tantrums, e.g. because your morals tell you it is not the right thing to do (and also, because you were punished for it!).

Additionally, as you age, your Superego may take over and make you a much better person than you were when you were young.

Dr YLM graduated as a medical doctor, and has been writing for many years on various subjects such as medicine, health, computers and entertainment. For further information, email [e-mail]. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Neither The Star nor the author gives any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to such information. The Star and the author disclaim all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.