Choosing a path for the future and making big decisions can be scary for teenagers.
What more when uncertainties caused by the Covid-19 pandemic continue to loom over us?
How can parents support their teens during these times?
If you have a teenager who was supposed to sit for SPM or STPM examinations in the last two years (2020-2021), it must have been a frustrating experience for them, and for you as well!
The pandemic caused exam delays and students had to adapt to remote learning.
This is demotivating for many teens.
At the moment, these teens would be busy preparing for their upcoming exams in the next couple of months.
Then, it will be time to seriously plan for the next steps in their lives.
Transitioning into adulthood during such trying times is certainly tough.
It’s biological
As teens grow towards independence, their lack of experience may cause difficulties in making life decisions.
They are considered to be psychosocially immature and are more likely to:
- Engage in risk-taking behaviour
- Make impulsive choices
- Focus on short-term goals
- Prefer instant gratification
- Fall for peer pressure
- Fail to consider consequences.
There is a biological explanation behind this.
The frontal lobe of the brain, which plays a role in decision-making, impulse control, consequential thinking and emotional responses, only fully develops in the early- or mid-20s.
Hence, teens and young adults may make unsound decisions, especially when they feel pressured or stressed, or are influenced by their peers.
They need adequate guidance from experienced adults to be more resourceful in decision-making.
What’s after school?
This is probably the first major decision in your teen’s life.
The common choice is whether or not to further one’s studies at a college or university.
But other options can also be explored.
Vast options are available nowadays and it can be overwhelming.
Conflicts may arise if parents try to impose their own preferences on their child.
Do voice your concerns, especially if the current pandemic has raised financial issues your teen may not be aware of.
Listen to each other and have a reasonable discussion.
Speak to experts in the field to address any questions about future careers.
Tertiary education is important, but not everyone is academically inclined.
What’s important is that teenagers learn skills that make them relevant in the community.
This can be done through work or vocational training.
Some companies may provide support for their employees to further their studies later.
Some may want to take some time off, like a gap year, before deciding.
This is a very good time to join a volunteer programme or other non-traditional options, such as exploring entrepreneurship programmes that provide business development and sustainability training.
This route may be less common locally, but it can provide a unique and enriching experience for teenagers.
It is also a way for them to explore their interests.
Parental guidance
Based on our understanding, teens are likely to need help with deciding on their future direction and would benefit from parental guidance.
Here are some tips on how to help guide your teen:
Teens often only see limited options, particularly when they’re in a tight spot.
Encourage them to take a bit more time to come up with more diverse solutions.
You can also offer suggestions.
Advise your teen to list all the pros and cons of their options based on available resources, skills and interest.
Then eliminate the options one by one so that they end up with the best choice.
This helps them to choose with reason, instead of just emotions.
After making the decision, ask your teen what the next step should be and how this step should be measured in terms of success.
It’s also good to evaluate the decision together to see if it’s a good one and add to their decision-making skills.
Talk to your teen about possible scenarios or outcomes they may face and the ways to manage the situation.
For example, what should he do if his college or job application is rejected?
Or if she realises she dislikes the course or job she chose?
Let your teen know that they can always approach you, other family members or career counsellors for advice.
Assure them that you are open to any questions and that they don’t have to decide all on their own.
Be open to seeking help and advice yourself as you are unlikely to have all the answers either.
Life is unpredictable
Remind your teen that deciding on the future is not easy.
We cannot predict the future and may regret certain decisions.
There is no best choice because of constant changes in life.
Instead, choosing what’s good enough and doable may be more practical and manageable at the moment.
What’s important is that teens learn to be accountable and responsible for their decisions, and to understand there are many other external factors contributing to the outcome of our life choices.
It is tough for teens in the beginning, so parental support is crucial.
You’ll also have to adjust your boundaries as you allow your teen to be more independent.
So, use this exercise as a learning process for both you and your teen in deciding for the future.
Prof Dr Alvin Ng Lai Oon is a clinical psychologist and Malaysian Society of Clinical Psychology founding president. This article is courtesy of the Malaysian Paediatric Association’s Positive Parenting programme in collaboration with expert partners. For further information, please email starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
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