When kids dilly-dally over homework

CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

I HAVE a problem in dealing with my five-year-old son who is enrolled in kindergarten. He does not like to do his homework.  

On an average day, he gets four to five pages of homework. He will take two to three hours to complete his homework. 

He would delay completing his homework by requesting for a snack or two.  

After eating, he would write a little more.  

He would keep on asking for a rest and some food until he finishes all his homework. 

I have tried to motivate him by allowing him to watch his favourite cartoon after he finishes his homework. Yet, this does not appeal to him. He would take his own sweet time to finish his homework. 

Even with short breaks in between the pages of homework, he could not complete the task quickly.  

I give him five minutes’ break but he takes longer, giving excuses that he is hungry or wants to use the toilet. 

I’ve never used a cane because I know this will make him hate homework in the future.  

I’ve asked him why he does his homework so slowly. He said it was because he did not want to make mistakes.  

In his exams, he would score around 99% and finish his papers before his friends in class.  

I need your advice on how to get my son to do his homework faster on a daily basis. – Concerned Mother

Like many five- and six-year-olds, your son is not motivated by the homework his teacher assigns everyday.  

He takes a long time to complete the task because he finds it boring and tedious. 

Homework for young children robs them of their childhood. They should be playing and doing many fun things after school. Instead they have to bury themselves in pages of homework. 

Instead of coaxing your son to do his homework after school, you may want to introduce play time before he settles down to do his homework. Enjoy some time bonding with your son. 

Children need to feel in control of what they are expected to do. Involve your son in planning his daily schedule. Allow for ample leisure and rest time.  

Ask him to decide what kind of activities he likes to do. He will be able to concentrate better when he feels empowered.  

When he is not stressed and frustrated, he will be able to work better on his homework. 

I am a mother of a five-year-old girl and a 13-month-old boy. My daughter is very jealous of her brother. She refuses to share anything with him and would snatch his toys from him. 

Before going to bed, she would make sure her toys are kept safely in her room or her secret place. This is her way of preventing her brother from getting to them when she leaves for school the next day. 

Every night I would talk to her before bedtime regarding sharing and caring.  

I want her to understand that we must care and share for one another as a family.  

She seems to understand what I am saying but there is no change in her behaviour. 

My mother and I cannot tolerate her selfish behaviour or her resentment towards her sibling. We often scold her or nag her.  

Things got worse when we found out that she wrote nasty things about us and her little brother in her book and the drawing board. 

Once I asked her to let me drink from her bottle because I was thirsty. She got angry with me and yelled at me, saying she would take a knife and slash my stomach to retrieve the water I drank. I was very hurt by her words. 

My daughter behaves differently in school. She would share her things with her friends and often gives her stationery to her classmates. 

How can I manage my daughter’s behaviour? – Mother In Dilemma 

Young children find it hard to express their feelings towards their loved ones. Siblings often find themselves in a love-hate relationship. Your daughter is probably struggling to find her place in the family. 

You are right in wanting to teach your child to share and be responsible for others in the family. But if you only focus on the needs of the younger child, you negate the older child’s feelings of wanting to be loved and cared for. 

The more you scold and nag her for her selfish behaviour, the more you reinforce the notion that she is not valued as an individual.  

She needs to feel supported for who she is. You must convey to her that you are aware of her individual strengths. 

Her harsh words and negative behaviour will eventually be replaced by kinder and more respectful ways once you highlight her good points.  

If you act more positively towards her, she will reciprocate with more acceptable behaviour.