Congratulations to Taanusiya Chetty, 26, for emerging as the second runner-up in the recent Miss World pageant. She also bagged the Miss World Asia title as well as the award for Beauty With A Purpose. That’s a three-in-one achievement, and the best results since Malaysia first participated in the annual pageant in 1963.
It is a historic achievement for the country and a well-deserved accolade for Taanusiya for putting our country on the world map for a beauty with brains and heart.
Taanusiya’s win has prompted a wave of nostalgia and perhaps a tinge of envy among older women. In chats over coffee or tea, they would be sharing about their past when they too were young and carefree. Sigh, such a longing for those days!
We were the young ones, once upon a time. How we wish time could have slowed down for us and been a little kinder. The years have certainly taken a toll on our physical appearance. Yes, ageing is tough, it’s merciless, it’s inescapable. It hits women harder than men because society has always placed so much more importance on external looks on women than on men.
Men experience ageing too but in a different way. Grey hair makes a man look distinguished while on women, it makes them look old.
We can understand why women in their 70s and 80s decline invitations to their high school and college reunions, birthday celebrations and wedding dinners.
The reason, I suspect, is they have lost confidence in their appearance. They no longer look the same. Some have piled on the kilos, some have aged and it shows on their face, some now use a walking stick or hearing aid and they have a complex about it.
There are wrinkles to contend with, greying hair and bald patches, extra weight we can do without, aches and creaking bones, stiff joints, and the constant battling with forgetfulness. The list just goes on.
It is hard for most women to come to terms with ageing. The only consolation is that it comes gradually to give us time to get adjusted to that stranger looking back at us in the full-length mirror. The changes speed up once we pass 75, though.
Unrealistic expectations?
Perhaps that is the reason why older women edit their photos before sharing them on social media, to look younger and more presentable to others. They edit for softer lighting, fewer wrinkles and a slimmer figure.
Remember those days of glamour photos in the 1980s? You could buy a package that would include a set of personal photos professionally taken at a studio, each one skilfully touched up to make us look glamorous.
It’s all designed to boost self-confidence, and to attach to our job application. I dug up some of these photos a few days ago. Needless to say, I couldn’t believe that the person in the photos was me. It was a total makeover, an unrecognisable me.
But I must admit, I felt pretty pleased with the photos at the time. It boosted my self-confidence.
Many of my friends even framed their glamour photo and hung it on the wall of their living room!
Why are we so hung up about our physical appearance?
Much of this has to do with the traditional view of women as gentle, delicate and pretty as a flower from hair to toes. Once upon a time in China, men from well-to-do families would choose their bride unseen, solely based on their delicate bound feet!
This view of how women should look has been perpetuated by beauty contests and covers of women’s magazines. Such emphasis on looks has continued to persist, putting pressure on women to do whatever it takes, whatever they can afford to retain a youthful appearance, so that society will compliment them for their appearance, so that their husband would not leave them for another younger, prettier woman, so that for divorcees and widows, there is still hope for a suitor.
This desire to maintain a youthful feminine outer appearance has spurred the growth of anti-ageing products, aesthetic procedures and cosmetic surgery. For some women, these can help them feel more comfortable about their appearance. But these should be approached with realistic expectations and an awareness of the costs and risks involved.
The AI influence
The obsession with going back in time to our youth has given rise to apps and AI-generated images of senior women sporting youthful looks, most recently dressed in the fashion trends of the 1980s. It’s fun to turn the clock back and feel pleased at AI-created images of us. We happily share them on social media for friends to admire and compliment us.
Here’s a challenge for those who enjoy using AI to create youthful images of themselves. Using a current photo of yourself, prompt ChatGPT to create an image of yourself based on the photo but at age 80, still looking fit, smiling and in good health. Then do another image with a different prompt, this time also at age 80 but looking your age or even older, after years of poor lifestyle habits.
You will be shocked at the differences in the two photos. Which one would you pick to be your goal to achieve at age 80?
That would really be an eye-opener and a wake-up call about how we want to age. This is more meaningful than playing around with apps that enhance our looks to feel good about ourselves.
We should accept the changes in our appearance, the slowing down of our physical abilities and the realisation that we can do something, not to reverse ageing but to slow it down with healthy lifestyle habits.
Regret and wishful thinking will only make us more miserable. Be positive and look at ageing as having more time to spend with our family and friends, to pursue our interests, to explore new places.
Not everyone gets to be 80 and beyond. Consider it a privilege, not luck.
It requires effort to look younger than our age. We know all about what it takes to age well, to age successfully. Knowing is not doing. We need to be consistent in maintaining positive lifestyle habits.
Exercising whenever we feel up to it, and over indulging in food won’t cut it. There is a wide gap between knowing and being inspired, and being motivated to do what it takes. The first requires no action, the latter does.
Ageing can be unkind, but instead of focusing on loss of youth and energy, why not focus on the positive side of ageing? We have built a home, raised a loving family, and enjoyed lasting friendships.
Let’s look back, not with regret but with nostalgia. Let’s be content with our present, and look forward to many more years ahead in good health and quiet contentment.
The next time we receive an invitation to a reunion or a lunch with friends we have not seen since leaving high school, accept it with gratitude that we are not forgotten and still around to enjoy each other’s company. Who knows when we will see our childhood friends again? The conversations will be filled with laughter at fond memories, tinged with some sadness as we remember those who could not join the gathering because they are no longer around.
One day, we could be the one missing at reunions because we have passed on. So, let’s focus on ageing well, to live to a good old age with our faculties intact, in good health and surrounded by family and friends. That is more important than to live like a recluse because we don’t look good enough to be seen.
Here’s to the next 10 or 20 years. We can do it. Let’s remain forever young-at-heart, and forget about remaining forever young. That can only happen in dreams, and in AI-generated images.
Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.
