Parents whose child is bright or gifted in some way may dream about all the doors their ability will open for them in the future.
But the truth is that youngsters who are gifted – either academically, creatively or in sport – may not always make the most of their talents, or will head off in a very different direction than their parents expected.
So is there anything parents can do to make sure a gifted or talented child doesn’t waste their potential?
Clinical psychologist Dr Emma Svanberg, author of Parenting For Humans says that while the terms “gifted” or “talented” tend to be used by schools to describe children who are ahead of their peers in some way, the descriptions by no means reveal the child’s whole story.
“This doesn’t tell us about a child’s capacity for effort, tolerance of frustration or for sustaining interest when things get tough. These are the qualities that can support a child in sustaining effort, even when things are hard,” she explains.
And Dr David Brydan, a senior lecturer at King’s College London, whose book Smart: A History Of Intelligence has just been published, stresses: “We shouldn’t divide the world into ‘bright’ children and the rest. This kind of thinking is a legacy of rigid ideas about intelligence that were invented in the 19th century and were tied up with the history of inequality.
“Usually when we refer to a child as bright or gifted we mean they’re good at the kind of things that are valued in our education system. If your child is good at those things, that’s great – it’s something to celebrate rather than worry about.”
The experts advise that parents who want to help make the most of their child’s potential can try to:
Stimulate their love of learning
Svanberg, a chartered member of the British Psychological Society and founder of the Psychology Co-operative, points out that some bright or talented children can lose their love of learning at school because they find things so easy.
“When things are too easy, they become dull – it becomes difficult to see the point,” she explains. “It’s important for everyone – children and adults alike – to feel a sense of purpose in what they’re doing, including learning.”
The problem can be that at a later stage when children might actually need to make an effort – they don’t have the experience of pushing through when things are hard.
“This can feel really challenging – suddenly facing feelings of inadequacy that really come from a lack of experience - so it can feel more attractive to avoid learning even more,” explains Svanberg, aka the Mumologist.
She says adults often inadvertently compound the problem by focusing praise on outcomes and saying things like “you’re so clever”, or “you’re top of the class”.
“When we focus on outcomes rather than the process and the effort, children can learn their success is tied to effortless success, things being easy. So struggle then can come to feel like failure.”
To avoid this, she says it can help children for parents to notice and name effort rather than outcome from an early age, so to say things like ‘I saw how long you stuck with that’, or ‘You really pushed through there’.
Get them to develop good study habits
While effective study habits aren’t so important for young children, as they get older and actually need to start making an effort, they really will need to develop good study habits.
Brydan says the ability to work in a regular and organised way can play a crucial role in maximising a child’s potential, and he explains: “It doesn’t mean dedicating their life to homework, it means developing the habit of setting time aside to concentrate on the work they need to do, and understanding the assignments that have been set for them.
“That’s something children learn at home. Is there a regular time when an adult will tell them to do their homework? Can they do that work free from distractions? Is there someone they can talk through their work with if they’re not sure how to approach it?
“At the university where I work, the students who do best aren’t necessarily the ‘brightest’ or the most naturally gifted. They’re the ones who are genuinely interested in their subjects and who have good study habits.”
Encourage their curiosity
One of the main things that can help children make the most of their gifts is stimulating their curiosity, says Brydan.
“Being interested in the world and wanting to know more about it is something that can really be encouraged at home,” he explains.
“Encourage your child to learn more about whatever it is they’re interested in. They don’t have to love all the subjects they do at school, but it makes a huge difference if they’re genuinely interested in some of them.”
Get them to try things they’re not as good at
If a bright child is coasting, it can be counterintuitive but useful to get them to try something they don’t excel at. Svanberg explains: “It can help to deliberately introduce things they’re not naturally good at, so they get to practise at struggling when the stakes feel low.”
Remember home is just as important as school
Brydan says that if you’re worried whether the school your child goes to is helping or hindering their talents, bear in mind that it’s only as important as your child’s family and background.
A great deal of research highlights the importance of family on children’s academic performance – a 2022 study from the University of York, for example, found the family background of seven-year-old children accounts for about half a grade difference in end-of-year school exams, and by the age of 16 this difference has almost quadrupled, with children from lower socioeconomic status families graduating two grades below children from better-off families.
Brydan stresses: “Children’s academic performance depends as much on their family and what happens at home as it does on what goes on in school.”
Change your own thought process
Svanberg argues that parents thinking of a child’s potential being “wasted” is questionable, pointing out: “It’s as if we have a finite resource of potential that needs to be used by a certain date or we’ll go off.
“Children aren’t finite resources to be optimised, and a young person who takes a different path than the one their early promise seemed to point towards hasn’t lost anything – they’ve simply become who they’ve become, shaped by interest, circumstance and choice like the rest of us.
“Supporting our children to become the people they want to be, unburdened by the weight of our expectations, can be an enormous gift to them.” – PA Media/dpa
