Whether it's doing the dishes or helping adults wash the car, including children in house work helps them learn about responsibilities. — 123rf.com
GETTING children to do house chores is an excellent way to build their confidence, character and independence. And as they grow older, they will feel a sense of responsibility to help around the house, which is a boost for the family and a great habit to develop.
However, introducing chores is something that cannot be done abruptly. It is vital to take baby steps and gradually include house chores into children’s daily routine. One of the ways to assign chores to children based on their age and abilities is through trial and error and by getting to know the abilities of each child, says clinical psychologist Dr Pamilia Lourdunathan.
The best age to start involving children in regular tasks around the house, she says, is when they are still toddlers.
“Simple, age-appropriate tasks can be introduced as early as two to three years old,” she adds.
As creatures of habit, toddlers have a strong likelihood to embrace and thrive on routines, she says. “For them, a new activity can sometimes interrupt their routine but parents should not underestimate their maturity and level of understanding.”
Known for his work on child development, developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, in his 1936 theory of cognitive development suggested that a child only begins to develop abstract reasoning between the ages of 11 and 14 – a phase that is called the formal operational stage.
“Children are only capable of higher order brain functions during this phase. However, logical reasoning can begin at least potentially around six to eight years of age in a majority of children; and during this period they can be included in the running of the house,” she adds.
Siti Hajar (third from left) with her daughters (from left,) Nur Qistina, Nur Qaisara and Nur Qaireen.
Start them young
Lecturer Siti Hajar Abd Aziz, 47, who is a mother to three girls aged between 10 and 16, says she started introducing small tasks to her daughters when they were five.
“For instance, Nur Qaisara Hisyamuddin, 10, is responsible for simpler tasks like setting the dinner table. My eldest, Nur Qistina, 16, handles more complex duties like meal preparations,” she adds.
Siti Hajar says she works together with her husband in tailoring chores based on their children’s age and abilities. “This ensures a balanced and fulfilling experience for each child,” she adds.
Bernice Foong, 9, has been exposed to house chores since she was six years old.
“I started her with light tasks like tidying up her play area by putting the toys back into their boxes and helping me hang the laundry,” says Agnes Kok, 43, about her only child. These tasks, the director of events and F&B sales from Selangor says, help train her daughter to keep the house neat and tidy.
Pamilia adds: “I once visited a shelter home in the city, which had one teen assigned to a space like the dining room, prayer room, garden and toy room. Each space was labelled with the teen’s name. As a result of this assignment and autonomy, the home was able to maintain a smooth system of chores and can retain its cleanliness,” says the assistant professor at the Department of Psychology of International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM).
Kok (left) says house chores helps her daughter Foong understand the importance of contributing to the family unit. — AGNES KOK
Shared responsibilities
Siti Hajar and her husband say they take a gradual approach to chores. They believe that chores are shared responsibilities so at first, the couple started doing them together with their children.
“This means tasks are done collectively, with us leading and instructing to make sure the chores are completed and done correctly. Once they have grasped the basics, we let them take on individual responsibilities independently,” she adds.
Siti Hajar says her household chores are regularly rotated among her daughters to allow each child to undertake different duties.
“But since they are of different ages, they have specific chores assigned to them. For example, Nur Qistina will cook a few times a week and will manage the laundry with the help of her younger sisters,” she adds.
In Kok’s small family, the distribution of chores is between her and her husband. “But what we do is share our tasks, especially simple and easy ones, with Foong. We also add a fun element to them, like who does them faster and cleaner,” says Kok.
Siti Hajar agrees that chores should not be treated as just chores: “Transforming chores into a bonding experience has been highly effective for us. We often share stories and jokes or play some music while doing laundry. This helps turn mundane tasks into enjoyable moments,” she adds.
Pamilia offers a three-step approach: Identifying the ‘why’, planning the ‘how’ and explaining the ‘what’.
She says parents play a crucial role in guiding their children to grasp the fundamental ‘why’ behind chores, as reasoning effectively resonates with kids. “When children comprehend the purpose behind a specific task, their commitment to performing it is heightened,” she adds.
The next step, she says, is to get children actively engaged by not only demonstrating the proper execution of chores but also by indicating the optimal ‘when’ for their completion.
“This will empower children, while fostering a sense of autonomy as they take charge of these tasks,” she says.
Finally, Pamilia says parents should offer a clear breakdown of specific activities and tasks, complete with suggested timelines, to aid their children in gauging the duration of their engagement.
“This will assist them in time management while enhancing their motivation by introducing a more enjoyable and engaging approach to task execution,” she adds.
If parents teach kids about chores early on, they will grow into individuals who are comfortable with helping around the house.
Managing resistance
“It is perfectly normal for parents to face resistance from their children when the latter are reluctant to do household chores regularly,” says Pamilia, “but every child has a weakness for something.”
A good way to handle resistance, she adds, is by gamifying the chores and using their weakness like a favourite cartoon or game as reward.
For example, in households with several children, parents can use coloured ice cream sticks with each stick representing a specific task. They can ask their children to close their eyes and take turns to pick one stick. The one who accomplishes the task first ‘wins’ for the day.
“Little wins and rewards that are given to children are motivating and can reinforce that behaviour to be repeated,” she says.
Another strategy, Pamilia adds, is to help children understand the importance of being part of the whole household chores system.
“Parents may also negotiate by saying the more they help out with household chores, the more time parents can spend with them,” she says.
When faced with reluctance, Siti Hajar says she will try to understand her children’s perspective and communicate openly. “We brainstorm solutions together and sometimes renegotiate the chores’ schedule. We also have a reward system which allows them to earn privileges based on their consistency and quality of work,” she adds.
This approach, Siti Hajar says, encourages them to see chores as an opportunity for personal growth and not just tasks to be completed begrudgingly.
“Both my husband and I play a role in maintaining a positive and supportive environment during these moments,” she adds.
Children should be assigned chores according to the age and abilities. — TheStargraphics
Kok also agrees that open communication and a reward system work. “My daughter will share what she wants and gives extra effort in the assigned chores to achieve it. She gets the job done, gets her reward and she also understands the importance of contributing her effort,” she adds.
Ultimately, Siti Hajar says, all those efforts contribute to significant growth in her daughters’ development.
“For example, my 13-year-old Nur Qaireen has proven to be incredibly helpful and reliable even though she occasionally needs more detailed instructions,” she adds.
She says her daughters are more responsible and more efficient in their time management now. They have also strengthened their teamwork skills.
“When I was admitted to the hospital late last year, my husband told me the girls took charge of all house chores without much hesitation,” she says. “And I think in the end, this is the kind of responsibility we’d like to see in our children.”
