Between two worlds – a first generation Indian growing up in Malaysia

I’M Indian by birth and upbringing but moved to Malaysia many years ago, in the year 2000. It was a decision made without much thought by my parents, and as a result I've spent nearly two-thirds of my life as a foreigner.

The thing is, I’m now a foreigner wherever I go: I've absorbed too much in Malaysia to be easily Indian and am still too thrown for cultural loops to be at home in Malaysia.

I laugh at the little things that make me feel foreign every day and question myself if this is going to be my life?

I’m one that wasn't very much attached to my former country, so while I miss the memories I had there, the experiences, the language, and especially the food, I probably would not have had the same experiences if I had lived there.

It’s not that I missed out on anything that happened, it’s that I wasn't there to change with my country and the people. I was here, changing with a different country and with different people.

Before I came, I didn’t know there were so many Indians in Malaysia itself. Approximately 7 % of the population are of Indian race and the percentage is quite a bit higher in the Klang Valley area.

When I tell them I’m from India, they all give a similar reaction of “oh my God, wow”, which honestly made me feel special, but didn’t understand until today.

A friend of mine named Siva, who is a local Indian told me that "Indians are very smart, and that there is so much he can learn from them".

"It's easy to differentiate them with locals, the way they dress and their accent gives it away", he added.

We were all Indians, all the same, yet so different. I used to find it very difficult to understand the way they spoke, as it’s very much different to how we used to talk back home.

Also the now famous “Malaysian English” was a challenge to understand back then. The phrase “You can do it what”; I didn't know if that was a question or a statement.

Indian-based Indians often ask, "why do people here talk funnily"?

It's a common question usually asked even by my relatives when they come down to Malaysia. Since my family and I are used to it, we just answer with "that's the uniqueness of Malaysia". 

I came to Malaysia at the age of 7; it's been 14 years since, and still counting. For the first few weeks, everything felt like a holiday. The clean streets, the non-bumpy roads, the quietness from when in traffic, it all seemed so new and fascinating at that age.

Even going to the mall was a thrilling activity. Of course now, there are hundreds of malls every 100 steps.  I still remember when my family and I were taken to an Indian restaurant by a friend of my father's, we were seated waiting for our order to be taken, and a waiter came up to me and asked if I'd like to drink "susu".

For a second I got shocked and just stared at my parents confused and disgusted. In India "susu" means urine, which explains my disgust and questioning of "you drink all that here?" I was then explained to that it meant milk, but that still didn't stop me from giggling over what it was called.

It all seemed like a clean slate, and having to start from zero and remodel everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out everyday activities, transformed me.

Malaysia has had its own influence on who I am and how I think. One thing that undoubtedly exists within me is the unspoken feeling of fear. Although there is a certain level of confidence, there is always a tangible fear living in a new country, and even after years, it never completely evaporates. It only changes.

There is this constant thought of how long I've been away in a new country. Life back home has passed on without my presence, people have grown up and they've moved on, they've become completely different people, and so have I.

So I look at my life, and the two countries that I hold onto, and realize that I am now two distinct people. Both the countries signify and complete parts of me. I have formed strong bonds and feel at home in both places, and as a result I am divided into two.

I may spend most of my time in one place longing for the other, and waiting until I can get back for at least a few weeks and be the person I was back there. The people that took me into this country and became a new family aren't going to mean any less to me when I'm far away.

Living in Malaysia for years, it has become a second home to me. I’m familiar with the people, the faces, the culture, the festivals, and places.

Being in a new place, gave me the freedom, new beginnings, and excitement. I surely cannot be in two places at the same time, but I can assure myself that I was not just capable of thriving – but excelling in a new environment.

> Samhitha Mira is a young lady doing her internship at The Star Online. The views expressed are entirely her own.