Homework blues

CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

A child who persistently fails to do his homework needs help, not punishment. 

I HAVE two boys age nine and 12. My younger son is driving me crazy. His teacher has been calling me time and again regarding his unfinished homework.

I have been checking his homework everyday. Even then he is able to hide them from me, giving me all sorts of excuses. He is quite good at his studies. I have tried explaining, reasoning, bribing, even resorting to threats. When all else fails, I use the cane.

At times, he would complete his homework but he goes back to his old ways easily. What should I do? I am very frustrated over this problem and I feel lost. – Upset Mother

HOMEWORK from school is the child’s responsibility. Parents are responsible for helping them get motivated to complete the tasks assigned. Many children will go through periods in their school life when homework is a problem. Sometimes it is because they find it too challenging and are unable to cope.

There are also children who lack motivation to do their homework. You must find out the reasons behind your son’s homework dilemma. You can only begin to help him when you know how he feels about homework and the problems he may be having. Let him know that you are willing to support him to take up his responsibility.

You will not do his homework for him but you will help him to carry out his responsibility. Knowing this, your son may start to regard this conflict between you and him over homework as less threatening.

To make it work for your son, show your enthusiasm and interest in helping him out. You can even tailor your assistance to suit his learning style. This way, he will feel more positive about doing his homework and learning.

Your son needs to know that you value and love him. He is probably getting a great deal of negative responses from you on a daily basis. You must find opportunities to acknowledge him in positive ways to remind him that he is loved. You have to reach out to him by getting involved in the activities he likes.

Open new paths of communication with your son. Look out for his interests and pay special attention to them. He will open up to you when he feels he can identify with you. Parents tend to overuse punishment when children misbehave or fail to comply.

In most cases, children will go back to their negative behaviour once the effect of punishment fades away. Punishments have no regard for children’s self-esteem. When children are punished, they feel bad about themselves. They do not focus on what they have done wrong; instead they focus on their feelings. Instead of asking: “What should I do to him when he misbehaves?” you can ask, “What does he need to do to work this out?”

A child who misbehaves has a need. If you know what your child really needs, you can set out on a course to help your child fill that need. A child who has a persistent problem like not finishing his homework is in need of help, not punishment.

Change your approach. Remove all negative remarks from your vocabulary and replace them with positive ones. If you have a tendency to use words like “don’t” and “no,” try replacing them with “you can” and “yes”.

When your son succeeds in completing his homework, praise his efforts. He needs to know that every little effort he puts in makes a lot of difference.

Let him tell you how he feels when he can achieve what he sets out to do. You must have confidence in your child that he can overcome this problem.

He must know that you are able to see beyond the present dreadful situation rather than having you focus on his negative behaviour. There will be light at the end of the tunnel for your son when you start following the light and setting out on the right path.