Experts weigh in on the impact of excessive social media exposure on children’s self-esteem and sense of identity. — Image by freepik
BACK in March, Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Nancy Shukri reminded members of the public to stop featuring children as content on social media.
She said the behaviour poses risks to children and urged all parties including teachers and parents to be more responsible. Her statement came after Communications Minister Datuk Fahmi Fadzil said teachers, in particular, should no longer use students as content for their own social media accounts. He cited the need to consider children’s personal safety and protect their privacy.
Yet, the issue persists, as many users appear undeterred from posting content featuring children on social media.
During the Hari Raya festivities, a recording of a child expressing his reluctance to interact further with an older relative went viral, racking up millions of views on TikTok.
The video garnered all sorts of reactions from viewers, where some described the boy as rude while others also said the parents should teach the child to be more respectful. There were also comments from users who said the child needed to be “taught a lesson” – with some implying that corporal punishment was warranted.
When a video like that goes viral, attracting hundreds of disparaging comments, mental health counsellor and Soul Mechanics Therapy Centre founder Devi Venashinee Muruges expressed concerns about the long-term impact it may have on the child – especially since the footage was recorded and shared by an adult.
“Even as adults, we wouldn’t like it if someone uploaded unflattering content of us without our consent. Now imagine what it’s like for a child, especially one who might come across those nasty, judgemental comments on social media – it could lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or confusion about what they did wrong,” she said during an interview in Kota Damansara, Selangor.
Sharing is caring... or is it?
Gone are the days when childhood photos marking milestones or special occasions were tucked away in photo albums, where proud parents or guardians would take them out to show guests during gatherings. Now in the digital age, these moments and more can be shared on social media platforms – some users even do it in real time.
When people share content on social media, it often serves as a form of self-expression. In this context, Monash University Malaysia lecturer and cyberpsychologist Dr Lee Soon Li said that frequent posts about one’s children often serve as a way to show the world, ‘I’m a parent’. He believes that parents could be motivated by the need to seek social connection.
Lee believes that parents may also be driven by a desire for recognition or validation; seeing the growing number of likes, comments, and shares as positive feedback for sharing their lives online. — IZZRAFIQ ALIAS/The Star
“Especially among young parents who lack experience in managing a family or young children, so they would like to seek social support or advice from other more experienced parents,” he shared during an interview in Subang Jaya, Selangor.
Lee added that what begins as a form of documentation or memory-keeping can gradually evolve into something more.
“In the process of showcasing that, there could be more complex underlying psychological mechanisms such as the tendency for social comparison where users would share certain content with the hope to subtly show that ‘My family is better than the rest’. That’s one example,” he said.
At some point later, he believes that parents may also be driven by a desire for recognition or validation; seeing the growing number of likes, comments, and shares as positive feedback for sharing their lives online.
Child psychologist and CPC International founder Dr Noor Aishah Rosli also noted that connecting with an audience can also serve as a form of emotional affirmation.
“Parents often feel a sense of fulfilment when others acknowledge their children’s achievements – no matter how big or small,” she added.
Today, regularly posting photos or videos on social media can also open doors to a career as a content creator, giving people even more incentive to share. One notable example is kid YouTuber Ryan Kaji. According to Forbes, by the time Kaji was six, he had earned over US$10mil (RM44.08mil) from reviewing toys. Now at 12, his earnings have reached US$35mil (RM154.28mil).
“For some, especially celebrities, this has turned into a form of income, with their children unintentionally becoming part of their personal brand,” Dr Noor Aishah added.
Lee agreed, noting that this may be true for a small group of parents who are influencers.
“In these cases, they may be more motivated to post content featuring their children due to the financial incentives involved in promoting certain products or services,” he said.
Hit pause
In her 17 years of experience as a child psychologist, Dr Noor Aishah noticed that children can be both physically and emotionally sensitive to their environment.
Dr Noor Aishah hopes that parents would start limiting content featuring their children and to particularly avoid sharing images or videos that feature vulnerable moments like an emotional breakdown. — DR NOOR AISHAH ROSLI
“That includes digital spaces like social media. Even from a very young age, children start to develop beliefs about themselves and others based on what they see online or how they are portrayed,” she said, adding that it can influence their emotional responses, shape their perceptions and affect how they make sense of experiences.
She believes parents, and other adults in general, need to be more mindful of how they choose to portray children on social media.
“Yes, prolonged and repeated exposure to an online audience can affect a child’s sense of identity and their understanding of personal boundaries.
“Children who grow up constantly being recorded by their families may become confused about their authentic selves. They might feel the need to perform or behave a certain way just to meet expectations, as if it’s simply a part of life,” she said.
In some cases, Dr Noor Aishah said it could lead to children developing anxiety, loss of self-esteem, boundary confusion and feelings of resentment.
“Based on my experience, I’ve seen children develop performance anxiety and perfectionist tendencies, along with symptoms of depression – especially when they begin to associate their self-worth with their online image. Some struggle with a lack of autonomy, feeling as though they must constantly present an idealised version of themselves and hide anything that doesn’t fit that image,” said Dr Noor Aishah.
According to Devi, this is happening largely because society is still figuring out what’s acceptable when it comes to social media, often relying on personal experiences to shape their understanding. This is also partly because social media – which only began gaining traction in the early 2000s – is still relatively new.
“Most grandparents who are in their 60s to 70s, for example, didn’t grow up with social media. It’s the same for parents who grew up in the ‘90s – there was no social media platform for them.
“As they started using social media in the later part of their lives, they had no issues posting content about themselves. So now, they apply the same thinking to their children, thinking: ‘What is the big deal about posting content anyway?’. They completely overlook the importance of consent and boundaries for young children,” she said.
It may seem harmless at first, but Devi stressed that posting about a child online – without their knowledge or consent – is different from when a child chooses to share information about themselves. While parents may post with good intentions, the reach of such content can easily go beyond their control.
“It’s not always just the parents sharing – sometimes, extended family members might repost the same image, amplifying its spread,” Devi explained.
Then parents would sometimes only see the consequences later in life.
According to Devi, society is still figuring out what’s acceptable when it comes to social media, often relying on personal experiences to shape their understanding. — ART CHEN/The Star
“This becomes more apparent when children enter primary school where they may get bullied or teased by their peers. Some parents may suddenly find themselves having to answer uncomfortable questions like, ‘Why did you upload that photo of me?’ The child might say they looked funny, clumsy or felt embarrassed,” she said.
The counsellor said that children may look back and realise that their emotional turmoil began with something they had no control over, as it wasn’t their choice to have certain photos or videos uploaded onto social media.
“Yet they’re the ones left to deal with the fallout,” Devi added.
Think of the children
Lee said there could be more severe consequences for a child whose young life has been widely documented on social media.
“Whatever is shared online can be permanent. When children reach a stage where they need to establish their personal identity, they may be haunted by what their parents have posted previously (on social media). It’s because there may be a misalignment between the identity they want to establish versus the content that has been posted,” he said.
He cited the 2018 Life For Likes report by the Children’s Commissioner in England, which found that online identities of children aged eight to 12 can form before they can even speak for themselves.
“This could pose risks related to data permanence (it’s hard to remove content that has been shared online) and privacy. It may not be the image that they are comfortable portraying to the public. There’s also a concern that others could recreate content using their likeness – especially now, with AI tools being more accessible,” he said.
A 2024 study Human Rights Watch found that photos of children in Australia – sometimes shared online with privacy settings in place – had been scraped without consent and used to train AI models. It highlighted that some of the images ended up in a massive dataset known as LAION-5B, which powers tools like Stable Diffusion and Midjourney.
Children who grow up constantly being recorded by their families may become confused about their authentic selves. In some cases, Dr Noor Aishah said it could lead to children developing anxiety, loss of self-esteem, boundary confusion and feelings of resentment. — Designed by Freepik
Experts warned that this kind of misuse could lead to the creation of deepfakes and AI-generated child sexual abuse material (CSAM), raising serious concerns about children’s privacy and safety.
When this happens, Devi explained, a child may struggle to cope and could face challenges in developing into a well-adjusted adult.
“As an adult, I understand why I’m putting content on social media, and I can recognise when something has been edited – it’s not me, and I can process it differently because of my age and experience.
“But for a child, who never consented to having their image shared, any emotional turmoil they experience from fake images or abuse online could be far more damaging,” she said.
It takes a village
Dr Noor Aishah said it’s time for parents to consider long-term psychological impact over short-term online gain.
“Children deserve privacy and have the right to consent. Even if they are your own children – you can’t feel that you can do whatever you want,” she said.
She hopes that parents would start limiting content featuring their children, and in particular avoid sharing images or videos that feature vulnerable moments like an emotional breakdown.
“The first step is to validate the child’s emotions and understand how their online presence may be affecting them. They should ask themselves: ‘Will my child be okay to see this online when he or she is older?’. We must think about the child’s wellbeing and dignity,” she added.
For his part, Lee said he has faith that parents in Malaysia will do the right thing when it comes to their children. In some exceptional cases, he said he understands that people may still not be fully aware of the possible consequences of their social media habits.
“Parents need to be educated on how to improve privacy settings and be aware of the risks of sharing content online. They can also start including their children in discussions before posting content by seeking their opinions – ‘Should I post this?’,” he said.
He suggested that platform providers also play a bigger role in reminding users of the risks of sharing content about children or minors online.
However, according to Devi, parents may end up feeling that their freedom to express themselves is being restricted, but she said that they should start thinking as parents first instead of content creators.
“It’s not about telling parents they can’t post – it’s about helping them understand the impact their actions could have on their child.
“Instead of thinking, ‘I’ll deal with it later’, we need to start asking: ‘What can I do now to protect my child?’
“It’s about taking accountability and recognising that this is something serious, not something to be brushed aside,” she added.
When videos featuring children do pop up on a user’s feed and it features them in a vulnerable moment or unflattering light, Devi said it’s also important for these users to remember how their comments may affect the child later in life. She was horrified to learn that users on social media can be critical towards a child.
“If you can’t say anything nice or empowering then don’t say anything. Move on with your life,” she concluded.
