SYDNEY, Sept 17 (Reuters) - Former Australia captain Steve Smith believes he was "thrown to the wolves" after the 2018 ball-tampering scandal and says he still gets flashbacks to his exit from South Africa and arrival back home when he hears the sound of camera shutters.
Smith was sacked as captain and banned from the elite game for a year by Cricket Australia after being found to be part of a plan to rough up the ball with sandpaper during the third test against South Africa at Newlands in Cape Town.
The incident made headlines around the world and Smith was mobbed by media as he departed South Africa and again on his arrival in Sydney, where he broke down in tears at a press conference at Kingsford-Smith airport.
"I felt like I was kind of thrown to the wolves through (Johannesburg) airport. I didn't have any support there at all," the 37-year-old told Sydney's Daily Telegraphahead of his return next month to play test cricket in South Africa for the first time since the scandal.
"(The press conference) was a traumatic experience in my life and I still get little flashbacks, when I hear a camera and flashes, I relive it in a way ... They're intertwined in a way."
Smith said he thought his punishment was harsh but he had accepted it and quite enjoyed the enforced break from the intensity of international cricket.
He returned to the Australia team for the 50-overs World Cup in 2019 and the test side for the Ashes series later that same year, scoring centuries in both innings in the first test.
"It was my first 100 back at Edgbaston that I really got quite emotional," he recalled.
"I think if you look at the footage of that, I kind of had to take a couple of deep breaths because I kind of just wanted to burst into tears. I didn't know whether that moment would ever happen again.
"I was like, 'Am I still as good as what I was? Am I? Do I belong?' And then to just sort of take all the monkeys off the back at the same time ... I'm glad it happened immediately."
After being made test vice-captain for the 2021-22 Ashes series, Smith has led the side on several occasions in the absence of Pat Cummins.
Smith said he was looking forward to playing test cricket in South Africa again when the three-match series begins in Durban on October 9.
"I'm actually excited to go back," Smith said.
"Obviously things didn't end so well last time I was there. I think since that moment I've, you know, experienced a lot, grown a lot as a person, as a player, matured a lot, chilled out a lot on the field, and more mellow for sure ..."
(Reporting by Nick Mulvenney, editing by Peter Rutherford)
