Guns and Roses


  • Humour Me
  • Tuesday, 04 Feb 2014

I WAS doing my eyebrow the other day when my son walked into my room and remarked, “mum you don’t look pretty, you look angry.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. “I’m glad you noticed,” I said, “because this is the look I’m wearing from now on so my kids would start taking me seriously.”

My eight year old is normally not interested in what I do to my face but that day my airbrush makeup gun caught his attention. I swear I saw his pupils dilate when he saw the device. Fascinated, he asked me what the tool does.

He guffawed at my explanation and asked, “what kind of gun does that?”. My son found it amusing that I had used a gun to apply my makeup. He thought it was hilarious that women like me abuse guns. Men, he said, use guns to destroy and kill.

Tickled by the idea, he asked, “so what would women do if they go to war?” I told him that we do each other’s face and the one who does the most gorgeous one wins. My son burst out laughing and said, “what kind of a war is that?”

Like most boys, my son finds it hard sometimes to understand why men and women operate differently. He gets frustrated when he can’t get his sister to see things from his perspective.

For example he thinks farts are cool.  He even has a few friends who he calls the fart brothers. They wax lyrical about their fart when they are together. They are even plotting world domination with their superpowers i.e the ability to let out stink bombs.

My daughter on the other hand, gets disgusted at the mere mention of the “f word” (fart). She’d go “eeeeeuuuuuwwww” and gets upset when her brother released his gas when we are driving in a car. According to her when she does it, it comes out in the colour of the rainbow and smells like perfume.

When it comes to playing games the two of them have opposite preferences. Take minecraft for example. One likes to play creative mode while the other survival. My daughter loves to build and my son loves to destroy.

Once my son got very upset because his sister gave him up for adoption after all the damage he had done, in the game. Apparently not only did my son destroy what his sister had built he also went around selling heads!

Well, I’ve been married to my husband for almost 15 years and I think I still don’t get him sometimes. My husband loves cooking. But he doesn’t like cleaning up. Neither do I but as we don’t have a house helper, I usually end up doing it. The thing is, when my husband cooks he uses every single utensil available in the kitchen.

By the time the meal is cooked, he would have emptied the entire kitchen cabinet. Imagine the extent of washing and organising involved.

I get upset with my husband sometimes. Usually over things that he is oblivious to. As his wife I naturally expect him to be able to read my mind. As it turns out, mind reading is one ability he doesn’t possess. It makes life so much easier I figured ... to just tell him what I want him to do.

Apart from not being able to read minds my husband can be indifferent. While I wear my heart on my sleeve, it’s hard to tell what he’s feeling.  I’ve had to learn the hard way, after parenting two kids, that being emotionally available can be a curse!

My learning took place when my children discovered that I had discovered Spanx. For the uninitiated, Spanx is a brand which specialises in shapewear. It makes the wearer have a shapelier and slimmer appearance.

My smart mouth kids could tell when I’m wearing Spanx! A handful of times when we went out to dinner parties at least one of them had shouted, “Are you wearing Spanx mom?”

I’ve refrained from wearing Spanx now but only because indulging on food while wearing Spanx gave me breathing difficulties. I think it’s not the Spanx, it’s just me.

Whatever it is I’d have to give it to Spanx as it is one brand that doesn’t discriminate between men and women. I understand that both sexes like to look good. This is reflected in its shapewear which is available for both men and women.

Anyway, back to differences between boys and girls. I told my son the other day the male and female brains are wired differently. I said he needs to be gentle when he plays with his female friends and cousins.

He then pointed out that his 9-year-old female cousin likes guns and enjoy being rough housed. He also reminded me of his female friends who are more violent than some of his male friends.

I think we need to start talking evolution.

> The views expressed are entirely the writer’s own
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Opinion , Humour Me , boys , girls

   

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