PETALING JAYA: Though they may be based on fictitious characters, victims of “love scams” can become deeply emotionally attached to their online partners, often at a high cost.
Besides losing money, these victims often lose things that are harder to regain – their confidence in their own judgement, trust in others and a sense of self-worth.
“They have a formula that they have tested, and they find that it works on a lot of people. Part of it is making the relationship feel very personal,” she said in an interview yesterday.
Although the relationships are cultivated online with people the victims have never met in person, she noted that genuine emotional bonds can still form.
“These connections can be as real as the connections we form in real life,” she said, adding that scammers exploit this by creating an idealised image while telling victims what they want to hear.
Anasuya advised the public to look out for warning signs such as repeated excuses for not meeting in person, inconsistent stories or behaviour, and increasingly frequent requests for money.
Unfortunately, she said, some victims might keep sending money due to a complex mix of ego, shame, guilt and desperation when confronted by relatives.
“Our self-concept is shattered when we get conned,” she said, adding that some victims don’t report the scam to avoid admitting that they have been deceived.
Clinical psychologist Lavender Tan said emotions developed in a fictitious romance can be very real and devastating.
“The feelings and attachment are genuine, resulting in a sense of genuine heartbreak, betrayal and grief,” she said.
Victims may also struggle with the perception that only “desperate” or “foolish” people are susceptible to scams, she noted.
Seeing themselves as “that type of person” can be damaging to their self-concept, she said.
“The financial fallout can also add to the emotional strain, with victims facing guilt, regret and pressure to recover their losses,” Tan added.
For families who suspect that a loved one is being manipulated, she advised them to avoid shaming or confronting the victim.
Instead, she suggested that family members ask about the alleged partner, such as their job, where they live, their family and the dynamics of the relationship.
“Allowing the victim to talk through the relationship can help them recognise inconsistencies and suspicious aspects of the story themselves,” she explained.
Anasuya and Tan also stressed that victims should not blame themselves for being gullible or incompetent, but should be treated as victims of a malicious crime.
Their advice comes in the wake of the deaths of four family members in Kepong, Kuala Lumpur, recently, in a case linked to a love scam and an investment scam.
Those experiencing emotional distress or other problems can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service at 03-2935 9935 or 014-322 3392; Talian Kasih at 15999 or 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp; or Jakim’s (Department of Islamic Development Malaysia) family, social and community care centre at 0111-959 8214 on WhatsApp.
They can also contact the Befrienders Kuala Lumpur at 03-7627 2929 or visit befrienders.org.my/centre-in-malaysia for a full list of numbers nationwide and operating hours, or e-mail sam@befrienders.org.my.
