‘Their smiles keep us going’

Happy family: Muhammad Zaqkhwan and Afifah (third from left) spending time with their children. — YAP CHEE HONG/The Star

PETALING JAYA: There was a point in her life when Afifah Azizan felt like running away as the weight on her shoulders was just too heavy.

Her husband was dead and she had five children to care for.

Four of them are autistic and suffer from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

“I was crying most of the time. The kids were needy and noisy throughout the day,” she said, recalling how she once asked God why this was happening to her.

She wanted to abandon them. But the smiles on the children’s faces kept her going.

Still, it wasn’t easy. With no income, Afifah, 38 relied on her late husband’s Social Security Organisation compensation to survive.

As fate would have it, she met someone else who was understanding and supportive.

Muhammad Zaqkhwan Zawawi, 38, is now her husband.

“He kept encouraging me to be strong and also helped arrange professional help for my children,” she said.

Except for the eldest 19-year-old daughter, the rest of the children from her first marriage, whose ages ranged from 11 to 17, have either autism, dyslexia or ADHD.

And in a twist of fate, the two children that Afifah and Muhammad Zaqkhwan have together also have their own health problems.

Their seven-year-old daughter suffers from a heart disease while their four-year-old son was diagnosed with autism.

But the couple, who have been married for 10 years, are taking it in their stride.

Muhammad Zaqkhwan, who works in IT, said many people used to ask him why he would marry someone whose children needed special care.

But he said he was gutted by what happened to her.

He admitted that it was difficult to care for the children then, who were very young. So he rearranged career around the kids, to have flexibility with time around the kids.

“The children knew I was their stepfather and didn’t reject me,” he said.

He was worried that the children would not adapt well in school and that other students would bully them.

“I visited schools and shared gifts with classmates, and also talked with students about autism,” he added.

Eventually, the school teacher suggested that the children be sent to a special education school.

“I enrolled them in the Integration Specific Education Program (PPKI). They are doing well,” he said.

He said that children with autism had delayed mental development.

“Their biological age is nine, but their mental age is four. For example, when we first met, the third child kept covering his ears, saying that he could hear sounds, but none of us could,” he said.

Despite their challenges, the family has a happy home, as seen during an interview in their Sungai Besi house.

All seven children were lively and cheerful, communicating with the father in English.

Afifah laughed and admitted that her English was not as fluent.

“When my children were studying English, I spoke to them in Malay and got no response. They would only reply to me when I spoke simple English.

“Now I’m learning English together with my children,” she added.

These days, she is relieved that the children are disciplined in their studies and share household chores, besides caring for their younger siblings.

“In the early days, I didn’t have a fixed bedtime because my children would not go to bed until after 3am.

“However, now that they are older, all I have to do is cook, and I don’t have to worry about them the rest of the time.

“I am grateful to my husband for allowing me to have my own time and go out and meet friends.

“My husband has also been very encouraging in uploading my children’s accomplishments on TikTok, which can hopefully encourage many parents with autistic children to keep going,” she said.

She said the children were understanding of the family’s limited finances and had never asked about buying toys.

These days, despite having to deal with the special needs and health problems of six of their seven children, Afifah and Muhammad Zaqkhwan are grateful for the blessings in their life.

To them, each child is a gift.

“I am happy,” she said, smiling.