Taking on an awkward talk

Many parents don’t encourage their children to date whenhey are still studying.

SEX IS the one topic that many parents will fumble with when it comes to educating children.

While it is often still treated as a taboo by many Asian families, many parents are beginning to live through the awkwardness by opening up on the issue nowadays.

Parents interviewed by MetroPerak are saying that it is important for their children to learn from someone they can trust about the changes in their bodies as they grow up and how they feel about the opposite sex, instead of letting them figure things out on their own.

Some have already planned how to broach the conversation with their growing children.

On the other hand, there are still some who only feel comfortable with answering questions if their children ask.

General Studies teacher Rafiza Ghazali, 39, said, as her children will become teenagers in a few more years, she thinks it’s better to educate them in stages as they grow.

The mother of two, aged eight and 10, said her children have already been exposed to the topic of intimate relationships in their religious studies, and it is up to her to explain the topic to them.

“They have asked me about the meaning of an intimate relationship. They understand that it is something that their father and I have together.

“Other aspects, such as kissing, they only know about thanks to watching movies.

“I think this is appropriate for their young age. I haven’t spoken to them about sexual relationships yet because it is better to wait for them to be more mature.

“I don’t want them to be shocked when they find out now,” she told MetroPerak.

On March 28, it was reported that experts are saying that parents need to be positive and open when discussing sexual issues with their adolescent children.

Universiti Malaya Educational Psychology and Counselling Senior Lecturer Dr Norsafatul Aznin A. Razak was quoted as saying that the failure of parents to clearly communicate with children about sex is one of the reasons that teenagers engage in free sex.

She also said that the use of communications devices among children needs to be monitored.

Agreeing with Dr Norsafatul, Rafiza said parents today should not feel shy or awkward about sexual topics, because it is better for the children to learn it from them than outsiders.

“If they don’t learn it from you, they are going to learn it from their friends, their boyfriends or girlfriends, and you will never know what they are actually telling each other.

“Who knows if they might feel tempted to do a ‘practical trial’ with other people if they are not educated properly?” she said.

A retiree who wants to be known only as Lee, 56, said she tries to communicate openly with her 17-year-old daughter when it comes to bodily functions and relationship advice.

“At this age, it is important that teenagers should know about sex and what they can do to protect themselves where sex is concerned.

“For me, it’s good that my daughter doesn’t feel shy about asking me these questions, so I have no problem answering them either,” she said.

Lee also makes it a point to voluntarily educate her daughter on the subject whenever they come across topics like pregnancy.

“I know that they also learn about reproduction in schools, and with teens being teens, they are bound to talk a lot about it among their friends.

“It is important to let your children feel that they can come to you about the issue too, because there are many things about sex that the young need to learn from adults.

“Sex is not just something that teens can afford to be irresponsible about if they don’t know what the risks are,” she said.

Financial planner M. Thevindran, the father of two daughters, aged three and five, agrees that teenagers should learn the do’s and don’ts of sex from their parents.

“Nowadays, there is all sorts of information you can get from anywhere. If you don’t give children proper education, they could take the wrong step.

“It’s good for them to know. Besides, informing your children is all part of a parent’s responsibility,” he said.

The 37-year-old said he is already bracing himself for the possibility that his two daughters will begin asking these questions in another five to six years.

“Nowadays, you can also see sexual elements in movies, such as kissing and so on.

“What I may tell them depends on a case-to-case basis, I have to look at the progress of my daughters’ before I decide how to break it to them,” he said.

Administrator Sharene Neoh, 49, said open communication about sex would be awkward to foster with her 17-year-old daughter.

“But if she asks, I’ll do my best to answer. When it comes to how open you are with your children on this topic, I guess it depends on how close you are with them.

“I’m quite close with my daughter, so even though I may not voluntarily broach the topic, I will tell her what she wants to know and try to make it as unawkward as possible,” she said.

Neoh said she know schools are educating children on the topic of sex, but how the subject is being taught in classes, she does not know.

“On my part, I do what I can to let her know that I don’t encourage her to start dating when she is still studying.

“When we come across this topic, I just tell her to take care of herself, don’t do all these things as education must come first. She still has a long way to go,” she said.

The father of two sons, K. Kuppusamy, 50, also says the topic is an awkward pme to talk about with his sons, who are 15 and 17.

“How to tell? If you tell them how you should do it properly, I’m sure at one point they would have no respect for you already,” said the newspaper vendor with a laugh.

Admitting that his sons have never asked him questions to do with sex, Kuppusamy said he is fine with his sons learning about it on their own in school and among friends.

“But I will try to monitor them,” he said.