The four archetypes of people with different psychological states are indeed different.
The American psychologist who coined it, Dr Tal Ben-Shahar, warns us that it is impossible to be happy healthy all the time.
It just isn’t possible, or even good, for us.
Sometimes, we have to delay happiness for a future gain, such as if we have to study to pass an important exam that will land us the job of our dreams.
We are not happy when we are studying, unless you are one of those rare people who actually likes studying (!), but we know we have to do it to gain knowledge and pass those exams so that we can hopefully begin the career we desire, or at least proceed to the next step to fulfilling that goal.
But the general idea is to understand how to reach the happy healthy state, and spend as much time as possible being engaged in activities that bring us to that state.
It is also important to be hedonistic (happy unhealthy) at times and focus on simple pleasures that will bring us joy, such as eating an ice-cream once a week, than to be forever on a miserable diet.
There is no fixed percentage or formula, but psychologists generally say a healthy emotional balance is three to one positive vs negative emotions.
Let’s say you spend 16 hours a day being awake.
This means you should feel happy or content or fulfilled or (insert some other positive emotion here) for 12 hours a day.
If you don’t feel too good for four hours a day, it is OK – you need that time to process difficult emotions.
Like that Pixar movie Inside Out, Joy is not necessarily going to be in your driver’s seat at all times.
Sadness and other negative emotions are needed to help you build important coping skills and resilience, as well as helping you learn.
Or let’s say you feel “normal” – neither happy nor unhappy.
It is best to aim for three positive moments for every negative one you feel.
That is the measurement for happiness.
Importantly, which quadrant in the Happiness Hamburger do you currently belong to?
Are you hedonistic or nihilistic or in a rat race?
Or are you happy healthy already?
We are talking about the quadrant you are in “most” of your time (three to one, or three-quarters).
Once you know which quadrant you are in, then the path towards happy healthy becomes clearer.
Perhaps you live too much in the short term.
So do many Malaysians.
That is why more than 20% of Malaysians are overweight or obese!
To step away from this quadrant, we need to understand our daily routines for instant gratification and redefine what gives us pleasure.
Yes, we love our nasi lemak, but perhaps we do not need to eat it every day.
Maybe we can eat it twice a week instead, and swap the other days for boiled eggs and simple toast (not with kaya!).
Instead of instant and constant stimulation for pleasure, we need to reset and tell ourselves that our health is more important and we need to bring our weight down to a healthy level.
The idea is not to give up our hedonistic pleasures completely, but to tone them down and slowly replace them with healthier habits.
Instead of one hour scrolling through social media, decrease it to 20 minutes of scrolling, then going for a walk with friends.
Spending most of our money shopping?
Let’s cut the shopping down by half and invest the rest of the money into our retirement fund.
Taking care of our own future will also give us a purposeful, long-lasting happiness.
For any quadrant, exercise is a key component of happiness.
People who exercise and move frequently are constantly positively recharging their hormones and chemicals, including those that make you happy (endorphins).
So is sleep of at least seven to eight hours a night.
Rat race people live too much in the future.
Your parents need to shift their mindset by deciding “enough (usually money) is enough”.
It is OK to stop chasing the future, or they will become too old or infirmed to enjoy their hard-earned money.
They need to look at time as their most valued asset now, instead of money.
They should learn to pursue their interests and hobbies now, rather than later.
It will also be in their best interest if you, as their child, assure them that they don’t need to scrimp and save for your inheritance, but instead, use most of it to fund their own happiness!
In addition to exercise and sleep, we should pursue and nurture good relationships with other people.
You don’t need many friends, but you need a few good friends who will always be there for you.
Pursue a purpose of growing every day and giving back to the world.
These are all lasting endeavours that don’t cost a lot of money, but give your life so much meaning.
The key to everything is balance.
Dr YLM graduated as a medical doctor, and has been writing for many years on various subjects such as medicine, health, computers and entertainment. For further information, email starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Neither The Star nor the author gives any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to such information. The Star and the author disclaim all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
