Where did 2012 go?

This year’s Christmas preparation is quite fuss-free. The tree went up during the weekend and there’s only one present under the tree. The children have agreed to one present each, so I have the next four days to buy and wrap another present.

We’re having a small family dinner for Christmas. So everything is under control. I think.

This has been a year of no fuss, simply because I have not had the time to make a fuss of anything at home, with everything that’s been happening. But if you ask me what had been happening, I would not be able to point out anything specific.

Sure, there’s work, but it hasn’t been different from other years. Assignments come and go; there were busy weeks and months, but there was also down time. There were a couple of big working trips during the year, but they took up about two weeks in total.

So where has the time gone? Why did I not have the time to plan proper birthday parties for the girls? Family vacations this year consisted of a couple of nights each time in towns within a two-hour driving radius.

Yes, this year has been really fuss-free. And not in a good way. Because I basically frittered away 365 days. That’s a whole lot of wastage. As I near the end of 2012, I am wracked with guilt that my kids did not get all-out fairy tale-themed birthday parties, complete with bouncy castles and poolside soirees.

I am also mortified that they did not go on any Discovery Channel-worthy trips around the world, where they get to dip their little feet in the fountains of knowledge. I only made about a handful of their meals the whole year, although I did bring them out for sushi a lot.

What is a mother to do? How do I make up for the lost time?

Well, I can’t. The year that 2012 has been will always remain that because I do not have a time machine. I just have to have faith that somehow my kids have had a blast, even without all the fuss. Because sometimes kids do that.

A wise friend told me to get over myself about the non-holidays this year, and have some common sense. Did you care about not having a holiday abroad when you were young? she asked.

Of course not. You just remember having the time of your life watching cartoons all day and not having to go to school, right? She continued.

True. So during the weekend, I decided to test my kids. I told them we were taking a day trip to Malacca. I closed my eyes tight and braced myself for the nos and whys, but when I opened my eyes, I saw two pairs of excited eyes looking at me.

A split second later, they were jumping up and down and whooping with delight. Really, Mummy? How far is Malacca? Can I sit with you in the car? What are we going to do there? The questions came faster than I could answer.

I realise they didn’t care that it was a short trip; they were just so happy at the idea of a trip. They didn’t care that we would be pounding the pavements crowded with year-end holidaymakers; they just wanted to know what Malacca was like. All the things I was worried about – the heat, the lines to the eateries, the jam on the highway – didn’t matter at all.

It is a relief, but I also tell myself it can’t be like this next year. I will plan better, slotting in proper holiday time instead of last-minute whirlwind getaways. I will start thinking about birthday parties at least a month in advance, and not the night before. I will bake their cakes, instead of getting their grandmother to do it because I almost forgot about the cake. How could I forget the cake?!

Of course, there’s the pledge of time spent with them. Every year, I vow to spend more time with my girls, and every year, I fall short of expectations. It’s like a moving target; I never seem to hit a quota that I am happy with.

Is it about making a conscious effort to push everything else away and just focus on them? Yes. The other day, my girls asked why I was always too busy to play with them. What, you noticed? I asked them. Nod, nod, nod. If they noticed it once, it was one time too many.

So, I will consciously make 2013 different. I don’t know how yet , but if I have been able to pop two babies out of me (at different times, of course), I will figure out a way. I will not waste another year.

Follow Elaine Dong on Instagram @eycdong.