Stepping into the role of dad

When singer Badri Ibrahim was a child, Father’s Day was always a low-key celebration where his mum would cook something special for his father and the family.

But Badri never expected to celebrate Father’s Day himself. At 19, he had no “paternal urges” … that is until he met Tina Awang, 31, a single mum and her three kids. To put it mildly, Badri became a committed bachelor and for the next six years, he was seriously involved in the lives of Tina's kids. In fact, it was that special bond between them that made Badri propose to Tina about six years ago.

“Tina was like no one I had ever met before. We were office mates. She made me feel so special and being with Tina and the kids just made me feel like I belonged with them,” says the 32-year-old.

Fortunately for Badri and Tina, despite the 11-year age difference, their marriage did not face any obstacles as both their parents approved of their relationship.

That’s how he became an “instant” father.

“Tina's kids are all so lovable and a joy to be with. I was more of a brother than a father at first. Tina also made it clear from the start that she and her children were a package deal. Love her, love her kids; no questions asked,” says the Langkawi-born singer who also dabbles in compering during his free time.

But, it wasn't hard to love Farah Afreeda, now 23 and a final year student in Architecture at the International Islamic Univeristy Malaysia, Qaiser Hesham, now 22, a professional futsal player with 20 caps for Malaysia and Haaziq Azrai, now 18, a part-time model and first year IT student at a local college.

Eventually, Badri came to regard Tina's children as his, too. The progression from being called “Uncle Bad” to “Papa” came quite naturally.

“The kids need me and I need them to complete my life. I'm basically an easy-going person and I am not fussy at all. I believe communication is the most important thing in any relationship. As a husband and father, I try to accommodate my family whenever I can. I love them a lot and I think they know that,” he says.

Tina is currently pregnant and the couple's first baby together is due in August.

Just like Badri, actor Tengku Iskhan Shah Tengku Haidar (more commonly known as Que Haidar) also seems to have a genuine bond with his stepson.

In fact, it was Que's cool and calm demeanour that won stepson Qalif Khan's approval. So, when Que proposed to Qalif's mother, popular dance instructor Linda Jasmine Hashim Murad, Qalif not only gave his approval, he was also pleased about it.

“Qalif and Que simply adore each other. It's so heart-warming to watch them play and joke together. I knew he would make a good stepfather and that was one of the reasons why I accepted Que even though there is a seven-year age gap between us,” says Linda, 37, who now runs the Linda Jasmine Performing Arts Studio in Ampang.

Que, 30, said Qalif is more than a son. In fact, the popular actor described Qalif as his best friend.

According to Que, he knew he had to win Qalif's heart before he proposed to Linda.

“Before we got married, I used to talk with Linda about Qalif's temperament and personality. I also asked Linda how to manage Qalif. I see Qalif as a wise and bright kid. Even when he is up to mischief he is still adorable,” says the actor who has appeared in movies like Castello, KL Menjerit 1, Rock, Maut, Papadom and My Spy.

“Qalif may be 10 but he is more matured than his age. We share a lot of things and spend a lot of time together playing computer games and watching football. Qalif is very expressive. He will openly demonstrate how much he loves me and give me spontaneous hugs now and then,” says Que, who married Linda in 2009 after a seven-month whirlwind romance.

According to Que, he has regarded Qalif as his own son from the day Linda became his special girlfriend.

“The first time I heard Qalif calling me Daddy, there were mixed feelings in my heart. There was a sense of joy and pride. Yet, there were also many questions that kept playing in my head like 'Can I make him happy?' or 'Can he respect me as the 'father'?' and many more.

“But, when I reflected on the real purpose of marriage which is to raise a family, I became calm. I realised Qalif is part of the family and my responsibility now. And thankfully, everything went smoothly after that,” says Que, who admits it wasn't difficult to adjust to being a father.

A year after Que and Linda were married, they were blessed with the birth of daughter, Tengku Ratu Haidar.
 

“Our life is more complete now that we have a pair of kids. Qalif is my prince and Ratu is my princess. Having these two kids in our lives helps to strengthen our relationship,” says Que.

For Que, the biggest change in his life was when he became a father to Qalif.

“Father's Day is such a meaningful celebration now that I have two kids. Becoming a stepdad is akin to becoming a father. Its a full-time job and thank God I have managed pretty well so far,” says Que.

As for Mohammad Yasin Ben @ Abd Rahim, 24, there are a few important differences he learned when he became a stepfather.

“I learned not to compete with biological fathers. I want my stepkids to love me naturally. Kids don't like to be pushed or forced. I even got tips from my father on how to get along with my stepchildren. My father told me to befriend the kids first and gain their trust. I did just that and so far I've been quite successful,” says Yasin, a Sabahan chef who is married to TV personality Maizawati Zainal, 36.

Maizawati has six children from her two previous marriages.

The couple married in August last year and in April, they were blessed with a new addition, Muhammad Yussuf Khusairy, who will turn two months soon.

“I feel great being a stepfather although it all happened so quickly. One minute I was single, the next I was surrounded by children of varying ages. But thank God, I slowly grew into my role, thanks to my wife who has been very understanding,” says Yasin.

The initial period when he first met Maizawati and worked as her assistant cum babysitter gave him the advantage of getting to know her children.

“I've grown attached to the kids. The experience of looking after them made me closer to them. I knew their likes and dislikes. I even cooked their favourite food and played games with them. Now, I think I have a great relationship with my stepchildren, something I really hadn’t expected,” says Yasin, who spends a lot of time with his stepson Daniel Arif, 17, when he is back from boarding school.

Yasin confesses he is still trying to adjust to being a good father.

“I try to be a good listener and their friend. I think the day the kids come to me and confide their little secrets is the day that I will know if I have succeeded in becoming a good father,” confides Yasin, a former guitarist with a rock band.

For now, he is enjoying the role of a part-time cook and babysitter to Maizawati's six children - Deanna Sofea, 18, Daniel Arif, 17, Siti Nur Maisarah, 14, Muhammad Syariff Hidyatullah, 13, Muhamadmad Syakir, 10 and Muhammad Syatiri, four.

With the addition of Muhammad Yussuf Khusairy, Yasin's life is never dull.

“I'm not sure if I am a great stepfather just yet but I think I’m becoming one,” says Yasin.