HK actress Carman Lee says she once wandered around a cemetery at night due to depression

HK actress Carman Lee feels proud to have overcome depression today. Photo: Carman Lee/Weibo

Hong Kong actress Carman Lee has opened up about her battle with depression.

Speaking at a conference for influential women in China, Lee revealed that her struggle with depression stemmed from the immense pressures she faced during and after her 10-year relationship with a businessman, who was 20 years senior, between 1998 and 2008.

According to Lee, 57, women at the time were shackled by many traditional societal norms. She faced considerable criticism for not getting married or having a child.

“These voices did hurt me then. I was very affected by it, unhappy and began doubting myself,” said the actress.

Lee also shared how her commitment to the relationship led her to sacrifice precious time with her family, resulting in feelings of guilt and anger towards herself.

The situation worsened in 2009 when Lee’s father fell ill and died, and she began “punishing” herself.

Recalling the depths of her depression, Lee – best known for her performance in the 1995 drama The Return Of The Condor Heroes – said she didn’t shower, brush her teeth or leave her home for a week.

“The scary part is that I didn’t feel unkempt, didn’t even think it was a problem,” she said before continuing, “I felt like a robot, going through the motions of eating, sleeping and being forced to breathe. It’s like nothing mattered anymore.”

Lee also recounted the time she drove to the cemetery in the middle of the night and wandered around aimlessly, only leaving after police arrived.

Other things she would do include looking down from the balcony on the 27th floor of her home, talking to her knife and binge eating.

“I felt like a zombie with no motivation to live,” she said.

After some time, Lee realised that she couldn’t allow her depression to control her. And so she turned to fitness, which ultimately became her "lifesaver".

Today, Lee feels proud to have successfully beaten depression. She is also grateful to her doctors, family and friends for supporting her every step of the way.

“I feel that I’m very brave to have overcome depression,” she said.

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Those suffering from problems can reach out to: Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935 or 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999 or WhatsApp [phone]); Jakim’s Family, Social and Community care centre (WhatsApp [phone]); and Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929 or www.befrienders.org.my/centre-in-malaysia for a full list of numbers and operating hours).