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Those contemplating suicide can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935/ 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999/ 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp); Jakim’s family, social and community care centre (011-1959 8214 on WhatsApp); or Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929/ email sam@befrienders.org.my/ befrienders centres in malaysia).
Dear Thelma,
This is not exactly a problem; I just want your opinion about my relationship.
Two years ago, I found this picture on Google images. It's a piece of fan art of the character Pacifica Northwest from the show Gravity Falls. Someone on Deviant Art had created an artwork of her wearing a princess dress and it looked super cute.
After I saw it, I felt this connection, a feeling that she was "the one". In other words, I felt that she could be my girlfriend.
The next morning, I still had the same feeling. And when I opened my phone's photo gallery, a picture of her caught my eye. My imagination ran wild!I started to visualise how she would look physically, in real life.
Every night, I imagined her sleeping by my side, kissing me. I imagined that she goes to the same school as me and that she would kiss me once a day. That's just the surface of this.
The second one is, "Get a real girlfriend." I just brush it aside when they say this. I mean, if I do get a real girl, then I hope it will work out, but for now I'm happy with my choice.
I'm writing this not because I'm suffering from depression or questioning my choice but rather to get an opinion on this subject. I love this "girl" like she's real; that's how much I love her.
Thank you for listening.
Dreamy
This is an interesting question! Many people live rich fantasy lives, and there are some pros and cons to consider if you are part of this gang.
Feeling a connection to a fantasy character is common. Comic-Cons are popular because we love to pretend. Dressing up and being someone else is fun and allows us to explore and relax.
The writers, painters, and other creatives who build complex fantasy worlds typically live in their heads. It takes an awful lot of energy and thought to create art.
Whether you are a participant or fan, or a creative, enjoying a fantasy is perfectly OK unless it stops you living your best life.
If you spend all your time at Comic-Cons and you don’t live a life between these events, that’s a problem.
If you are creating your fantasy worlds and you lose sight of which experiences are real and which are not, that’s a problem.
You appear to be having fun and you are very clear that it’s a fantasy. So far, so good.
However, your fantasy includes love, which is a particular subset of fantasy living that comes with its own complications.
Real people cannot compare with fantasy partners. That is an obvious statement for people who are attached to impossible characters like Six, the Cylon, or Drusilla the vampire, as such creatures don’t exist. However, it is true for all fantasy characters, even those based on humans. It’s not simply looks or the fantasy element that’s the issue; it’s about control.
When you dream of Pacifica being with you, it’s you creating her responses and you decide exactly what is happening. It sets up impossible conditions that ensure that any relationship you have with a real woman will pale by comparison.
This is the danger of the AI companion bot programmes. We know that real life is complex, that real relationships can be a bit messy, so when a bot comes along and offers uncomplicated complete validation – well, you’d have to be awfully strong to refuse!
So there it is. You spend a lot of time thinking about Pacifica and so far it’s giving you comfort. But if you are too invested in Pacifica, it may impact on your real life.
It is entirely possible that there is a cute girl near you with a sarcastic sense of humour but you haven’t noticed her because your mind was on Pacifica – or you dismissed the real girl, thinking she is like Pacifica but Pacifica is better.
Although you’re quite happy, I suggest several things that will help you make the most of your active imagination.
One, you have a rich inner life. Enjoy it!
Two, make sure you have real friends and anchor yourself in a real life. Don’t be pulled into the fantasy world too much.
Three, date! A real Pacifica would be a minefield, but there are plenty of women about with a good sense of fun. Definitely look for someone with a rich inner life.
Again, I love the question and hope my thoughts are useful to you.
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