What do Malaysians think are red flags in a relationship?

Red flags are unhealthy behaviour patterns in a relationship between someone and their partner/ intended partner. Photos: Freepik

StarLifestyle talks to Malaysians to find out their perception on relationship red flags – what are red flags to them, whether they recognise red flags, if they’ve encountered any, and what they did about it.

If a girl has too many “dubious guy friends” hanging around her or visiting her constantly, I would consider that a red flag. I mean, you wouldn’t know whether they are “just friends” or maybe something more. So I would hesitate to get involved with her because it might lead to complications later. – Shamsul S., 26, research officer

To me, it’s a definite red flag if he disappears for weeks without a word, and can’t be contacted or doesn’t respond to messages, and then suddenly reappears weeks or months later. You’ll wonder whether he has a secret life, is juggling a few girls at the same time, or something else. – ML Wong, 31, administrative executive

I think a red flag to me would be a girl who will only wear designer clothing and only carry designer bags, or who expects every date to be fine dining at an expensive restaurant. She might genuinely come from a rich family or earn a lot, but if she doesn’t, then where or who did she get the money from is sus (suspicious). And, if she expects the guy to pay for everything and whether I can afford her extravagant spending habits is another question. So, being high maintenance is a red flag to me. – Vijay N., 35, salesperson

An extravagant lifestyle beyond one’s means is a red flag in a relationship.

A girl who expects me to be her “ATM machine” and do everything for her is a red flag to me. Women talk about gender equality so much these days and a lot of men these days prefer a woman who is an equal partner, one who helps them build their life together. So I would prefer a girl who is working and contributes to the relationship whether we’re living together or married. – Victor Lee, 38, lawyer

You can tell a lot about a guy when you go out on a date with him. I think a red flag would be whether he’s kiam siap (stingy) or not. There is a difference between being prudent in spending money and being stingy. We don’t really expect expensive gifts or meals all the time, but some effort would be nice. – Gina Tan, 40, teacher

It’s a definite red flag if the guy only “dates” you at home or at night or only calls you out last minute. It’s also a red flag if after dating for some time, you still haven’t met any of his family members or friends. – Mariam B., 22, undergraduate

A red flag is when the girl is excessively vain or self-absorbed – she checks herself out in every mirror she sees or every picture on her social media is a selfie/photo of herself. A girl who shares excessively on social media about personal stuff is also a huge red flag because it shows she needs a lot of attention. I suppose the reverse is true too – a guy who has these same behaviours might also be a red flag to a girl. – Bharuddin K., 29, project manager

A guy who is rude to service personnel such as waiters or the janitor tells a lot about their character and is a red flag to me. – Susila Subramaniam, 41, physiotherapist