While sleep seems the most natural act in the world, we are not born with the ability to fall asleep on our own.
The ability to soothe oneself to sleep must be learned, best conditioned and ingrained in a child from birth (though it’s not too late to start them from toddlerhood either).
As a parent, blessed with two very active boys, I have tried asking my mum how she handled her children's sleep problems. She couldn’t advise much, claiming she had “no problems” getting us to sleep.
Thus, I’ve had to take a crash course on this topic to salvage my own sleep ... and sanity.
Tip #1: Find the sleep sweet spot
Whether it’s co-sleeping in a cot next to you or in his own room, a mattress on the floor or even a bassinet attached to your bed, the permutations are endless. Take some time to figure out which arrangement allows the maximum amount of rest for everyone.
My baby sleeps better on my bed, next to me. But some dads can’t sleep a wink if baby’s in bed with them, so one option is for dad to sleep in another room after 11pm. Be creative. Also consider which arrangement allows you to put baby back to sleep faster, before you become too awake to go back to sleep yourself.
Tip #2: Set the mood
Many hold firm to the belief that a child should get used to sleeping in a noisy environment, with utensils clattering and the TV on. Have a heart. You’d find it hard to nod off or stay asleep too if your room was next to a sports bar during football season.
It’s fine if you’re rocking your baby to sleep during the occasional noisy family dinner and want to condition them to sleep through it, but you don’t want to do that all the time because the noise does make their sleep unrestful.
Set the mood for a long night’s sleep with the right:
* Lighting - Turn off the lights or keep the room as dim as possible. Darkness triggers your child’s body to slow down for sleep. For toddlers who fear the dark, use a small night light or keep the door slightly ajar for light to come in from the corridor or bathroom. Use blackout curtains so the morning sun won’t awaken them too early. I blocked out the light so well in our kids’ bedroom that my husband dubbed it “The Bat Cave.”
* Temperature - In this heat, it’s important to keep them cool. If the back of their necks are always wet with sweat, turn on the air-conditioning, turn up the fan or put on cooler pyjamas.
* Clothing - If they’re always kicking off the blankets, get them full-body jammies with covered feet. If the material is too scratchy, get them cotton ones.
* Bedding - Blankets too thin or thick? Waterproof sheet underneath preventing airflow? Mattress too thin, hard or soft for his liking? My boy moves around a lot in his sleep, and used to knock his head on the bars above the bumpers and wake up. I replaced his traditional cot with a playpen that has netting instead of bars – and he can now resettle himself to sleep without my help!
Tip #3: Do NOT miss naptime
Kids under five years old still need their afternoon naps. If they miss it, they become overtired, making it harder to settle them for night-time sleep. They will not replace the lost afternoon sleep with more hours at night. In fact, they may wake up more! Remember that sleep begets sleep. (See Tip #5 for timing of naps.)
Tip #4: Exercise, exercise, exercise
Wear them out. Before dinner, and if weather permits, get them out of the house and into the playground (with mosquito repellant) for some running, jumping and climbing. Fresh air also relaxes the younger ones, so go a few rounds in the stroller.
Tip #5: Ban before bedtime
Avoid known stimulants at least two hours before bedtime, namely caffeine (which they shouldn’t be having at this age anyway), sugary foods or drinks, and any form of exercise. While it’s great to wear them out at 5pm, it’s not a good idea at 7pm when they have to be in bed at 8pm. Exercise raises the body temperature when it should be going down, in preparation for sleep. Yes, you can wear him out till he knocks out from sheer exhaustion, but he’ll be overtired and won’t have a peaceful night’s sleep.
Tip #6: Attach him to a comforter or “lovie”
We all grew up with a favourite blanket or stuffed toy that mum threatened to throw away because it was hugged / chewed / dragged around till it was filthy and threadbare. From a tender age, we’d built attachments to those “lovies” as they comforted us to sleep and helped us go back to sleep. If your baby shows a preference for a “lovie” (e.g. his thumb, a pacifier, teddy bear, fire engine, etc), make sure it’s safe, thank your lucky stars and let him hold it to sleep! He’ll grow out of it eventually.
My first boy’s “lovie” was either me or his dad, and he refused all attempts to transition him to anything else. For my second boy (who is still breastfeeding), I discovered he loved sniffing my (washed) breastpad, but it was a potential choking hazard so I sewed a spare one to a toy blanket he previously rejected. Now he hugs the blanket to sleep every night.
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