It wasn’t easy for Eileen Lian to fully breastfeed her daughter Andrea. When they dine out, Lian had to breastfeed in public toilets until her friend gave her a sling, which allowed her some privacy. That was 16 years ago, long before the furore over the recent TIME magazine cover that drew attention to the practice of attachment parenting, which emphasises close contact between parent and child.
Despite the inconvenience, Lian was determined to breastfeed her daughter as she believes in attachment parenting. Breastfeeding is one of the pillars of this parenting approach as it is deemed the best way to satisfy a baby’s nutritional and emotional needs. Practitioners also believe in weaning the child when he is ready – be it at three months or three years of age.
Some family members were supportive of Lian; they’d ask the restaurant manager for a private room for Lian to nurse her baby. However, there was also an aunt who hinted that powdered milk is a more viable option.
“Whatever people said was not going to make a difference. I was going to continue doing it anyway,” says Lian, 52, whose husband Dennis Sim also believes in hands-on parenting.
Lian took it all in her stride because she knew how she wanted to parent her children. “When I had my first child, I chose to be a stay-at-home attachment parenting, breastfeeding and unschooling mum because I wanted my children to feel the joys of living and learning,” the mother-of-two writes on her website parenting-works.com.
Lian used to be a magazine editor based in Hong Kong and Singapore, putting in long hours at work. But when she had her daughter Andrea, she decided her priority was to focus fully on the child’s upbringing. Also, it so happened that Andrea was born when the family moved back to Sim’s hometown, Ipoh.
“We hardly saw anyone because we were new in town. All our friends were either in Kuala Lumpur or overseas. It was just us, the baby and our family.”
Lian was a full-time mother for 10 years, and only eased back into doing freelance writing after her children became more independent.
“The simplest way to explain attachment parenting is to describe it as parenting from the heart. At its most fundamental level, attachment parenting means being responsive to your baby’s needs. It means following your baby’s cues and not artificial schedules that have been passed down from detached professionals.
“Also called intuitive parenting, instinctive parenting, natural parenting, immersion parenting and continuum concept parenting, attachment parenting advocates keeping baby close to you most of the time, breastfeeding on demand, sharing your bed with baby, holding baby often and wearing baby in a
sling,” writes Lian on her website.
In the United States, this parenting style was popularised in the early 1980s by paediatrician William Sears, co-author of The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing your Baby. It is rooted in the conviction that babies whose needs are fully met become more cooperative and agreeable, which makes for happier children and parents.
This style of parenting is not foreign to Malaysian parents. Practices such as extended breastfeeding, sharing the bed with the child, and not letting a child cry on and on, are common here. In the United States, critics of this style of parenting say it’s too demanding and strenuous on the parents, and breeds dependence. But most practitioners say it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach, and parents are encouraged to adopt principles that work for their family.
Among advocates of attachment parenting is Canadian-American singer Alanis Morissette, who thrives on building a close bond with her 17-month-old son Ever. She has said she’d continue to breastfeed him till he is ready to be weaned off. The longest Ever has ever cried before being picked up is six minutes, and he always sleeps with one of his parents.
Limited time offer:
Just RM5 per month.
