Parenting in the 21st century is no easy task. We worry about our children from the time they are born until they become adults and even then, most of us would probably not be able to let go. If your child is autistic or dyslexic or has Down Syndrome, parenting is even more challenging. We certainly have more things on our mind - sometimes too much to handle!
There are so many things which we think we need to achieve for our kids. There is so much we need to do, and sometimes, we lose our focus and end up doing “everything.” We really need to draw up a list and plan according to our priorities. And, “training” for our kids really starts when they are toddlers.
My daughter is already a teenager and having worked with parents the past six years, I would say there are a few areas which we should pay attention to. Personally I would like to advise parents to focus on the following:
a) Therapy sessions
Once your child has been diagnosed, it is best to commence therapy sessions. They would most likely involve occupational and speech therapy, and in some cases, physiotherapy as well. The therapy sessions would address the issues faced by your child and prepare him to face the challenges ahead. These sessions are designed to help “re-set and strengthen his foundation.”
At the same time, allocate sufficient time for play as play is the most natural and fun way in which a child acquires skills. The priority here is to help the child “catch up” to his level of “natural ability.” Play helps to improve many areas of development, such as speech and language and overall motor development. Play also helps your child understand the world around him and how to relate to another person.
b) Self-help skills
A lot of skills need to be imparted before the child starts school. For example, he should be able to hold a pencil, wear his own clothes, and be toilet-trained. Even if he is not ready for school, he should be taught how to “do things for himself,” and be independent. Most of our kids are smarter than we think; it is the parents who are overprotective and have the notion that just because the kids have special needs, they cannot be trained. My take is, if you don’t train them, then they will never learn! And, they certainly have to be taught problem-solving as well as decision-making skills so that they will be able to lead independent and meaningful lives.
c) Communication and social skills
Most of the kids have delayed speech and this means they are poor communicators. My belief is that if a child does not use spoken language to communicate, then it is of utmost importance to equip him with an alternative mode of communication. Otherwise, he will grow up being frustrated and build up a reputation of being a difficult child with atrocious temper tantrums. What is essential is to teach him “effective communication” so that he is able to still have his thoughts and wishes known and attended to.
The above are what I would term as “foundation skills.” Once the child’s foundation is in place, he will be ready to acquire other skills. Other areas to look into include ensuring adequate emotional management and having good manners. If your child has good manners, it would be easier for him to request and receive assistance.
Last but not least, as parents, we should also have more trust and faith in our kids. However difficult it is, we will have to let go and allow them to live their lives … though this is easier said than done!
Anna Wong, mother to a 16-year-old special girl, founded Glen Stream (www.senses-at-play.com) in 2005 to assist other parents on this challenging journey. Her company offers related products and services.
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