We are in a festive mood this week. But the packed schedule can be overwhelming for your toddler. It is worse if your child is one who is slow to warm up. You may notice his unease when you take him on visits.
Remember your child’s temperament is not the be-all and end-all in life. You can respect your child’s slow-to-warm-up nature by helping him learn skills to interact with new people and new situations successfully.
You should start with family get-togethers. Stand up for him when things get tough with the relatives.
Before leaving the house, do some role-playing with your toddler. Act out what your toddler should say and do when he meets his grandparents or his uncles and aunties. When you arrive at the venue, take the lead from your child. Do your usual greetings and wait for your child to feel more relaxed before you insist that he says his hello.
Young children usually fear loud noises and new faces. More so for those who are slow to warm up or who get very upset when they are exposed to the blaring music during a lion dance or glaring bright lights.
Don’t press on to stay if your child is uncomfortable. He may learn to adjust better when he is a little older. In fact, some research has found that cautious children tend to be sensitive to new textures, sounds and lights.
It is helpful when you let your toddler know that you understand him. It is comforting for him to experience your sensitive and thoughtful ways when he finds it difficult to deal with people that he’s just been introduced to.
Say to him: “I know that you need more time before you are ready to greet uncle so-and-so. When you are ready, Uncle will be most happy to talk to you too.”
Introduce new faces to your child gradually so that he can warm up to the person. Engage your child in an activity such as reading a storybook together. Invite the new person to sit next to you quietly. When your child starts to feel comfortable, you may invite the new person to join in the reading.
Most young children are more than willing to try new foods and drinks.
Your child may have his own preferences. During the celebrations, there will be many different types of foods and drinks. Invite your child to choose his own foods. He may not eat everything that is set before him. Refrain from too much coaxing. A slow-to-warm-up child may feel stressed getting all the negative attention.
Avoid labelling your child. Others who see your child hide behind you may remark that he is shy.
Many senior members of the family will offer unwarranted advice. Do not heed them or feel offended. Your child should be your priority to do your best.
I remember one of my daughters, who was rather withdrawn in her younger days, used to feel bad when people commented how “shy” she was. To them I’d say: “She is not ready to greet you yet. When she is better prepared, I am sure she will politely acknowledge you."
You can tell others that your child is not shy but needs more time to warm up to unfamiliar situations. You can also remind them that your child will talk to them when she knows them better. Don’t tell your child to be “himself.” Refrain from suggesting: “Try not to be so shy.” or “You are a big boy now. Don’t be like this!”
You may have a different temperament from your child. In many families, parents who are outgoing and friendly find it perplexing when their children do not respond in a certain way. This often makes their interactions challenging. While those who share the same temperament with their children may end up being too condescending.
Whatever your feelings on the differences and similarities with your child, you can modify your behaviour towards your child. During family get-togethers, create opportunities for quiet moments while still being with others. You can strike a balance between noisy and quiet activities for your child.
With the right kind of support and understanding, you will nurture your child’s positive selfesteem. Your child needs you to accept him for who he is. For instance, you can encourage his strengths, his sportsmanship, his ability to play alone or his sense of humour.
Ruth Liew is a child developmentalist, Montessori trainer and examiner. A mother of two teenage daughters, she is committed to supporting children’s rights.
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