As the school year starts, many parents may become anxious or even stressed wondering whether their young child will be prepared for the first day of preschool or kindergarten.
Many five-year-olds are expected to be out of diapers, able to drink from a cup, and feed and dress themselves. However, if your child is still grappling with these basic life skills, you may need to look into giving him some training before he goes to school.
Though there are many parents who struggle to wean their child off the pacifier and milk bottle, some children still hold steadfast to their comfort items.
Diana H.C. Eng, principal of Tadika Villa Maria Good Shepherd in Bukit Damansara, Kuala Lumpur, says that in her many years of experience, she has had to face different types of problems and situations - from parents who refuse to talk about their autistic child, to naughty children who always want to have their way.
“I know it must be difficult for some parents, but importantly, we need to help support children who need some training and not criticise them,” she says.
Eng has more than 30 years' experience in the education field, managing preschools and childcare centres, as well as training courses for teachers, preschool principals and parents.
“I have parents who send their five-year-olds to school with diapers when they should have been potty-trained already. This may seem surprising to some, but parents who send their children to school with diapers say they don't want any accidents on the way to the school. This is not acceptable as it is embarrassing for these children who have to use the toilets at school, and get teased by their classmates,” she stresses.
Life skills training
Some start kindergarten, bringing along milk bottles, baby blankets and pacifiers. Though it is natural to see younger children in nursery and playgroups with these items, Eng says older ones going to school (be it preschool or kindergarten) should already be weaned off them.
“We do encourage parents to bring in a photo or anything the child will feel comfortable with during the first few days of school to help them settle in. However, children should learn to feel more secure as time goes by,” she assures.
In order to provide your child with a smooth transition to preschool and kindergarten, Eng encourages parents to practise basic life skills with their child before the child starts school.
These skills include tying their shoes, feeding themselves, buttoning their shirts, zipping their school bags, and other tasks that may make them feel more independent.
“Not only will they have a great sense of pride knowing that they can do things independently, but children will also gain more confidence and do better in school,” adds Eng.
“We expect children to be socially capable and independent so that they can cope with the extra demands of school, but each child develops at a different pace. Going to school is a big step and there will be huge changes between now and when they go to Year One in primary school,” says Eng.
Many teachers try their best to help children settle in, but what really makes a difference is when parents and teachers work together as a team.
Eng, who did her studies in the field of Early Childhood (Montessori) and Special Needs in England, also points out that parents should not compare their children with others.
“If children do not have the basic skills, they will find it a little difficult to cope with school work and general demands but it is important to keep encouraging the child,” she explains.
Readiness for school
Thinking about the following can help you decide if your child is ready to go to kindergarten:
1. Can your child be away from you for long periods?
2. Can your child dress himself/herself?
3. Can your child use the washroom?
4. Your child's ability to focus and pay attention.
5. Can your child get along with other children?
6. Can your child follow instructions from adults and teachers?
7. Is your child socially ready?
8. Is your child able to share things?
9. Can your child express his/her feelings to others?
Socialising and coping with new friends
The one thing children will find out sooner or later is that there will be some teachers they can warm up to, while they may not like others as much.
“Being in school is not just about reading and writing, but also about interacting with people, cooperating, sharing and being considerate. If a child has problems adjusting to others, or has autism or behavioural problems, we encourage parents to discuss it with teachers or with the principal,” she advises.
As an applied behaviour analysis (ABA) therapist, Eng has extensive experience working with children and teenagers with special needs.
She has seen students who bite and grab things when things don’t go their way. There are some who are too shy to voice out their needs - even when they have to go to the washroom.
“Some children are too shy and will not raise their hand to go to the washroom. We have had some accidents where children sat in their own poo until it was time to go home. Children certainly need to learn to communicate as it will reduce undue stress as well,” she adds, smiling.
“I also find that parents who have children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) or autism do not always want to discuss it with the school. It's usually the teachers who pick out their symptoms and report it back to me,” she says.
Eng advises parents to be open and frank when discussing their children with teachers and carers. They should also visit schools and ask questions to see if their child will fit in.
“Being independent is certainly required because the physical setting is bigger than home. There are more rules as well as other children who come from different backgrounds. A child should be prepared to make some adjustments,” she concludes.
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