AI can help with writing business emails but also flirty messages on dating apps. But when the charm is machine-generated, what happens on the first real date? Experts share tips for spotting red flags and staying authentic. — Photo: Sina Schuldt/dpa
MUNICH: From writing business emails with ChatGPT to creating birthday card images using Midjourney, artificial intelligence (AI) has become a fixture of daily life.
Now, it's also entering the world of online dating – playing a role not just behind the scenes, but also in user interactions.
About one in five users (19%) of dating platforms say they have used AI-generated texts to help them with phrasing in a chat, according to recent research in Germany.
A similar number have used AI to create or at least improve images for their dating profile (18%). The representative survey was conducted by the industry association Bitkom in early 2025 and polled 1,006 people aged 16 and over in Germany.
When authenticity is blurred
Psychologist Stella Schultner warns that AI can complicate the search for genuine connection. "We are looking for someone who is authentic and loves us for who we are," Schultner says.
"But with AI, I can create an ideal version of myself that may not reflect reality."
That disconnect can lead to disappointment – especially when a polished online persona doesn't match up during a real-life date. "That can only lead to problems," she notes.
Bitkom's survey also found growing scepticism among users with 63% saying they worry their online match might actually be a chatbot.
Rapid replies at all hours, vague answers, or unsolicited requests for private information could be signs of a scam bot, warns Leah Schrimpf, Bitkom's head of digital society.
"Whether human or automated, you should always be vigilant when online dating to avoid falling for fake profiles," Schrimpf says.
To spot AI-generated messages, users can paste them into tools like ChatGPT and ask if the text appears machine-written.
Another tactic: Ask personal and specific questions. "Bots can't answer that and will evade it," says Schrimpf. Bringing up previous conversations or throwing in absurd questions can also reveal a robotic pattern.
"If you notice language that is flawless or overly polished and less conversational tones, you should also use caution," says Schultner.
AI could help the shy
Still, AI isn't all bad. For shy users, it can offer a confidence boost. "If you're very shy and looking for a good introduction or a charming answer, you can get help from an AI," says Schultner.
But she warns against relying on it too heavily. "If you couldn't come up with the response on your own, it's probably not authentic."
Even something as small as fixing spelling mistakes can backfire. A flawless message followed by a clumsy, typo-filled chat on another platform could cause someone to lose interest.
"That's a deal-breaker for many," Schultner says. The fact that AI is used as a service in the background of dating apps is nothing new.
It is used for matching users, filtering inappropriate content or suggesting quick replies like "yes," "no," or "thanks" but not for complex answers.
Ultimately, experts advise moving offline sooner rather than later. According to Stella Schultner, if you really want to be on the safe side, you should only use the dating app as the initial meeting place.
"It's better to get to know each other for the first time over coffee," she says.
And most users agree.
According to the Bitkom survey, more than three-quarters (78%) would prefer a classic acquaintance and rather get to know someone in real life. – dpa
