Dear Dr G,
I am a keen reader of your article, and appreciate your sense of humour in dealing with sexual taboo.
I think humour is a great icebreaker, facilitating often awkward and embarrassing conversation about sex.
I am a fan of Dr G from abroad and would like to congratulate all Malaysians for the jubilation of a new dawn after elections.
In my part of the world, we have our own celebration to mark the recent marriage involving the royal family.
Although the thought of such joyful occasion is bringing smiles on most couples, on the other hand, it can also strike fears in others who has more orthodox upbringing.
It is ironic that despite my upbringing in the liberal society of the West, I'm seeking help from Dr G in the East, where I believe the tradition of religious culture discouraging sex before marriage is more common.
My girlfriend and I are from the same faith, and we choose to abstain from sex until marriage.
We have been going out for the last three years and look forward to our union in three months' time.
We contemplate a future of companionship, raising a family and a long-term sexual intimacy.
My girlfriend and I are both 28 years old. Although we do discuss about sex, the pressure has culminated to a feeling of both excitement and nervousness.
Sadly for me, the nervousness of the first sexual encounter is striking more fear than joy.
I would like to put Dr G on the spot on the issue of honeymoon impotence this week.
Can you tell me how common is honeymoon blues? What are the causes leading to the failure to “rise to the occasion”?
What can be done to prevent the “let-down”?
I really appreciate your advice so that I can have a smooth initiation into marital bliss in the bedroom.
Honeymoon impotence is well documented in medical literature and defined as the inability to successfully involve in sexual intercourse at the beginning of marriage. This is particularly common in the first few nights of the couples’ lives.
Although well described in medical literature, research in such area is sparse as such phenomenon is more common in orthodox societies, where premarital sex is discouraged.
Although the true prevalence of honeymoon impotence is not well reported, it is generally agreed among sexual health specialists that such obstacle is exceedingly common and generally under reported.
Most cases of honeymoon impotence are due to the lack of awareness and knowledge in sexual health. In society where sex education is less prevalent, the newlywed may not be fully aware of basic genital anatomy and sexual positions.
In addition, the pre-marriage jitters, family pressure, the built-up to the wedding and the anxiety of displeasing the newlywed partner may also lead to the wedding night droops for the anxious groom.
The failure at the first instances may seem like a transient setback, but has the potential of becoming a vicious cycle in the long run.
The initial failure can create psychological pressure that leads to series of erectile dysfunction.
Needless to say, the more the man is frantically trying to perform, the less likely he is to rise to the occasion.
Similarly, for women trying to relax during intercourse, the anxiety may result in more vagina contraction leading to painful spasms known as vaginismus.
A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, observed 100 patients presented with failure to have penetrative intercourse at the beginning of their marriage.
Seventy-four patients were diagnosed having psychogenic erectile dysfunction due to performance anxiety.
Surprisingly, more than a quarter of the men with honeymoon impotence actually had health related vasculogenic impotence.
In this study, combined approach of the blue pills and sex therapy are often effective in resolving the issues.
The earlier diagnosis and intervention seems to have better outcome for a long-term relationship.
As we venture into the season of matrimony, thousands of couples will say their vows and become husband and wife. Spare the thought for the virgin groom after saying “I do”, but just cannot do.
In my line of work, it is not uncommon for Dr G to deal with honeymoon impotence that initially thought to be a “transient wilt”, commonly leading to “long-term shame” when couples do not communicate the inability to consummate.
The longer the couples choose to understand the reasons behind such failure and waiting for spontaneous resolution, the more damage it causes.
Karl Marx once blamed “religion is the impotence of human mind to deal with occurrence it cannot understand".
When it comes to the issue of honeymoon impotence, Dr G has similar views that “ignorance is the true impotence of human mind to deal with occurrence it cannot understand".
The true reason behind the inability to perform on the big night is difficult to understand.An open and honest communication with the partner is the often the key to magical climax. Failing that, there is no shame with the help of the blue diamond, ensuring explosive sparkles on the night, and in years to come!