In agony after intimacy

Sometimes pain can occur very quickly after pleasure runs its course.

Q: I am 36 and have been married for 5 years. We have two lovely children. I have been encountering pain after sexual intimacy.  I am very sure both my wife are aroused during the intimacy. However, I constantly experience pain in my internal foreskin and also coronal sulcus after intercourse. I needed to take a break from intimacy for a few days to recover. Why is it happening and is there any medication? I am certain I had no such issue in the past.

Worried man

A: I am sorry to hear your worrisome problems in bed. I will try my best to help. There are several reasons men encounter foreskin and internal sulcus pain after intercourse. This could be due to ineffective lubrication or traumatic causes of inflammation. As this had not happened before in the past, both causes are equally possible.

Oftentimes, the fungal infections in the vaginal can occur in a lady without much symptoms. During sexual intimacy, the transmission of the fungus to the internal sulcus and inner prepuce can induce inflammation and pain. This is usually accompanied by itchiness and soreness on the prepuce. For many men, the pain and inflammation are self-limiting and usually disappear after a few days. I would suggest that your wife visit the gynaecologist for an assessment to exclude the possibility of such an infection.

Of course, the other possibility is that the problem lies with you. It is not inconceivable that your foreskin may become tighter, resulting in a condition called phimosis. Such tightness can often result in traumatic abrasions to the glans penis and the inner sulcus after sexual encounter. The abrasive injury is usually transient and resolve after several days. The other possibility is the tightness of the frenulum that is causing the ache and discomfort after intercourse. This can occasionally happen after more vigorous activities.

Dr G’s advice is ... don't suffer in silence. Go and see you doctor. I am sure we can resolve this in no time!

Q: I am a 45-year-old man who is married with one daughter. I hope you can advice me the best way to overcome bedroom issues. My only problem is that I ejaculate too soon.

Please help immediately.


A: Thank you so much for your query. I am particularly “taken aback” by your request/demand for “immediate” assistance. Perhaps this is the origin of your “bedroom bother”. You may have a tendency to rush things.

I am sure you recall from my numerous answers in previous weeks that Premature Ejaculation (PE) is a common sexual dysfunction that may affect up to one in three men in Asia. This is a medical condition characterised by the sufferers having the inability to control ejaculation during intercourse, resulting in the interval of intercourse being around one minute and causing distress or bother in intimacy and relationship.

The phenomenon of PE is well documented even in the Greek literature, described as “ejaculation ante portas”. The etiology of this condition has contrasting hypotheses generating controversial debates amongst the clinicians and scientists.

In the turn of the 20th century, the “psychoanalytical theory” had considered PE to be a neurosis issue that is linked to unconscious conflict. Truthfully, I have no idea what that really means! My interpretation of such analysis is that PE was linked to incidents that happened to the sufferers in the past resulting in present subconscious adversity! In other words, this sexual dysfunction is the result of nurture rather than nature.

In the 21st century, many scientists have postulated PE is neurobiologically and genetically determined. This was based on observations of twin studies and the outcome of the treatments of PE with medications that can modify the level neurotransmitters in the brain. In other words, modern science has proven that some men are genetically advantaged to have the ability to enhance the interval of intercourse in the bedroom! Hence those who are disadvantaged can blame nature rather than nurture!

The good news is, it is no longer relevant to argue the etiological origin of PE. The treatment of short acting SSRI, such as Depoxetine, no longer discriminates those who are genetically deprived or have had a destitute upbringing. As such, medication will equally normalise the interval of intercourse for all.

So AA, Dr G’s advice is the “immediate” help for you is not to let nature to take its course. Pop a pill, you never know, you might feel blessed all over again!! 

Q: I have been following your section for quite some time. So please allow me to take this opportunity to clear my doubt. For the past few years, I have been having great experiences and intimacy with my partner (And I still am!).

At the earlier stage, she used to reach her climax within 20 to 25 minutes. However, I have observed that it is extremely hard for her to reach her climax in recent years. I feel very frustrated that I have not been fulfilling my duty as a loving partner. What do you think is the problem?

Have I lost the loving magical touch?

Mr D

A: I am rather sad to hear that you feel like you have lost that “magical” touch. I never consider myself “Harry Potter”, but I am sure I can attempt to cast an enchanting spell to re-ignite your loving

Indeed it is all men’s desire to have the ability to command the satisfaction of their partners in a relationship. In reality, such wishes may be a “tall order” when other external influences are considered in a relationship, such as career, children, mortgage, etc. Even in the absence of external “noises” for the ladies, the fact is the “routine” intimacy may lack excitement after several years and such monotony can make sexual experience tiresome and dreary.

A recent scientific journal had highlighted the neurons connectivity in the largest sexual organ of the body (the brain), is very different between men and women. I genuinely believe this is the prove that men and women’s brain respond very differently when it comes to sexual arousal.

In men, the mere sight of sensual images will stimulate arousal and “awakening” each time without fail. In women, the initial stimulation may prompt an excitement. However, such recurring excitement will not be sustainable unless new senses are incited. In other words, it is harder work to keep women constantly fulfilled (I guess this applies both inside and outside the bedroom). I often wonder, this means women are evolutionary more advanced than men?

So, Dr G's advice is very simple. Repeated exploration and discovery of your partner’s desires may be required to rejuvenate and revive that magic touch. It is important to revitalise the relationship by constant quest of discovery of each other’s needs by open communications and trust. With this, your magical touch will resume even without the “wand”.

> The views expressed are entirely the writer's own



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