GIRLS remain the most frequent victims of sexual abuse, yet many never report what happened to them – not because the harm was minor, but because the cost of speaking up feels too high.
According to Agape Vision co-founder Gillian Chong (pic), this silence is often shaped early, long before a child has the language or confidence to identify abuse for what it is.
Agape Vision is a volunteer-run organisation that offers programmes to empower youths who have experienced childhood physical and sexual abuse, neglect or abandonment, or who are at risk, and aims to empower them as leaders in action within their families, schools and communities.
“Sometimes they are simply too young to know it is wrong.
“It may begin with small touches they do not recognise as assault. By the time they realise, it may already have progressed – and they worry people will blame them for ‘allowing’ it to happen,” she said.
Fear of blame
That fear, Chong noted, is reinforced by how sexual abuse is often discussed in society.
She said many victims internalise blame after hearing adults – both online and offline – talk about sexual assault in ways that suggest victims are responsible.
“There is still a lot of conversation around ‘they asked for it’ or ‘they wanted it’ in Malaysia.
“Children hear these things, and they become afraid that the same judgement will be directed at them,” she said.
She added that in some cases, the pressure to stay silent comes from people closest to the victims, with children urged not to report abuse to protect a family breadwinner, a respected teacher or the reputation of the community.
“Some victims were made to feel guilty for even considering reporting.
“Others were told they were ‘naughty’ or ‘making up lies’. When that rejection comes from family or close friends, it can be devastating,” she said.
Silenced by shame
Chong also pointed to shame as another powerful barrier to disclosure.
Parents or caregivers who have not processed their own trauma, she said, may unintentionally project it onto the child, framing disclosure as something shameful rather than something that warrants protection and care.
In grooming situations, psychological manipulation further deepens self-blame, she added.
“Perpetrators often convince victims they are complicit, using language such as ‘you mustn’t tell anyone what we do’, making the children believe they share responsibility for the abuse,” she shared.
She added that when the perpetrator holds power – such as a religious figure, authority figure or public personality – the fear intensifies.
“Victims may believe no one will believe them, or that their family will face retaliation or social exclusion if they speak up,” she explained.
When disclosure fails
In her work with both youth and adult survivors, Chong has observed that many adults who experience sexual violence later in life have histories of childhood abuse.
Trauma, she said, can increase vulnerability and deepen guilt, especially when victims struggle to understand why they did not fight back or run away.
Even when victims do try to disclose, Chong added, the response they receive can determine whether they ever seek help again.
She stressed that being dismissed, blamed or ignored after disclosure often causes victims to withdraw permanently.
“A negative response teaches them that it is not safe to speak. They may decide there is no point reporting anymore,” she said.
Watch out for signs
Children, Chong noted, rarely disclose abuse in direct or explicit terms.
“Others overcompensate – excelling academically or in sports – to mask shame and convince others that everything is fine,” she said, adding that some may hide it so well that no one notices.
Warning signs, Chong said, are often misinterpreted as behavioural problems rather than indicators of distress.
She added that victims may become withdrawn, secretive, fearful of certain people or places, or show sudden anger without clear cause.
Nightmares, bedwetting, early sexualised behaviour, self-harm and suicidal thoughts are also red flags.
“I often see children referred for ‘bad behaviour’ or depression.
“The adults in their lives were unaware they had been abused, and their frustration only made the children more isolated and more vulnerable,” she shared.
Protection is possible
Even the reporting system itself can retraumatise victims, she added.
Chong described cases where investigations were mishandled, leading to further harm – including victims being beaten after disclosure, or becoming so frightened by police or court processes that they denied the abuse altogether.
Despite this, she stressed that protection is possible.
Children who are surrounded by attentive, emotionally regulated adults – people who listen, believe and respond calmly – are less likely to be targeted and more likely to disclose abuse early.
“It is never too early to talk to children about these issues.
“They need to know they will be believed, that they are not to blame, and that they will be supported – without repercussions,” she said.
The double life I led
Between the ages of 13 and 15, I was sexually assaulted by my uncle. The incidents occurred multiple times during school holidays, primarily at my late grandfather’s house. At that age, I was naive and confused; I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t fully process the situation and didn’t tell anyone. I only managed to stop the abuse at 15 by avoiding him and refusing to stay over at the house. I stayed silent until I was 18.
The trauma forced me to live a double life: to my family, teachers and friends, I appeared poised, mature and active in school. While my grades were above average, the trauma affected my focus on my studies. It also made me aloof; though I was friendly, I struggled to form close bonds. Even now, at 41, I still put up these barriers and avoid letting friends get too close.
At the time, I felt there were no systems or people I could turn to. Sexual abuse was a taboo topic with little public awareness. Even today, while reporting may be somewhat easier, the process remains daunting due to the potential for humiliation and the heavy burden of proof.
We need widespread information on reporting procedures and a community shift towards prioritising victims over perpetrators. Regular sessions with counsellors and motivators would help build awareness, encourage students to speak up, and create a more supportive environment.
Survivor
