So the recent reported “guidelines” for parents and teachers to spot lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) tendencies of their children and students have sparked much discussion, objection and even ridicule.
I guess the only good thing that came out of it was that it did create awareness of LGBT issues after all, for better or for worse.
The truth is, LGBT issues are getting increasingly common nowadays. People are more outspoken and open about them. Indeed, the subject is highly controversial, political even.
Like it or not, we have to address it on one level or another. Be it from a religious or humanistic standpoint, from the human rights perspective or our personal conviction.
We cannot ignore the issue just because we don’t know enough or we disagree with it and therefore don’t want to know about it . Ignoring the matter will not make it go away.
Many of us parents used to worry about our teens or tweens getting involved in BGR (boy-girl relationship). Now, we have a different challenge. What do you say to your tweens (eight to 12 years old) if they come home from school and ask you: “Mummy/Daddy, what is gay? Can two men get married?”
How should we respond? If talking about sex education with our children already makes our faces turn red, addressing highly sensitive LGBT issues may very well cause us to turn pale!
We are living in a world where wrong seems right and right seems wrong. In fact, when writing about LGBT issues, I am well aware that I may be politically incorrect.
Hence, rather than focusing on how to spot LGBT tendencies or debating who is right or wrong, it is more important that we think about how we can better care for the gender development of our children and raise our next generation to be secure in their gender identity.
You may have heard many different words and phrases related to LGBT. Here are some definitions to help us be more in formed (adapted from emedicinehealth.com):
> Gender identity: Your internal sense of whether you are male or female.
> Sexual orientation: How you are attracted romantically and sexually to other people – to the same sex (homosexual), to the other sex (heterosexual), or to both sexes (bisexual).
> Lesbian: A woman who is homosexual.
> Gay: A man who is homosexual. “Gay” is sometimes used to refer to both men and women who are homosexual.
> Bi: A short, informal way of saying “bisexual.”
> Transgender: People who don’t feel that their gender identity fully “matches” their physical sex or other body characteristics.
> Transsexual: People who use medical treatments, such as hormone medicine or surgery, to make their bodies match their gender identity.
> Straight: Heterosexual.
> Ally: A heterosexual person who fully accepts and supports his or her LGBT friends or family members.
> In the closet: A person who realises that he or she is gay and keeps this a secret is “in the closet” or “closeted.”
Sexual orientation and gender identity are related, but they aren’t the same thing. For example, a person can be transgender without being homosexual. During the sexual changes of puberty, issues of gender identity and sexual identity become especially relevant for teens. Dr Melvin W. Wong, a US-based clinical psychologist, mentioned in his book A Practical Guide To Raising Gender-Confident Kids that gender identity and orientation has a lot to do with early childhood parenting.
Gender identity formation begins as early as 18 months and most children believe firmly by the age of three that they are either girls or boys. Both the father and mother play a very important role to help the child become secure in their gender.
When secure attachment has been established with the parents from young, he/she will find it easier as they enter puberty. Gender role socialisation becomes very intense during adolescence. In early adolescence, males and females (and important adults in their lives) are especially vigilant to ensure gender role conformity (Steinberg & Morris, 2001).
Parents and families have the potential to be an important stabilising influence in the development of adolescent sons’ and daughters’ identities. Family structure provides an important environment in which identity development occurs (Archer & Waterman, 1994).
Two important concepts are individuation (where youth are encouraged to develop their own identity) and connectedness (which provides a secure base from which the youth can explore their identity).
Parents and others can help the youth reflect on their identity and achieve a strong and healthy sense of self by facilitating both individuation and connectedness.
This applies to the development of gender identity and also to other aspects of youth identity, including religious identity and family identity.
As we become more aware of LG BT issues, may we be open to learning more so that we can do a better job as parents and caregivers in the gender development of our children.
Hopefully then, they can grow up to be gender-confident adults.
Charis Patrick is a trainer and family life educator who is married with four children.
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