Oh crap. Pardon my language, but that’s probably what Hellboy himself would have said if he’d seen the opening prologue of his latest movie.
A shoddily tacky sequence narrated with hilarious (and foul-mouthed) bombast by Ian McShane, it shows the downfall of the evil witch queen Nimue (Milla Jovovich). Betrayed by her own coven of witches, she was cut into pieces by King Arthur (who looks like he just stepped off the set of Monty Python And The Holy Grail) and sent to the far reaches of the earth to prevent her from rising again.