Common questions about dating, from first dates to height differences

A common thought after a few months of dating is the ‘what are we?’ situation. — STEF BZT/Pixabay

As a dating coach, I get questions that run the gamut from first date to the early stages of a relationship. Let’s look at a few of those recent questions today.

Question: I’m a head taller than him. I enjoy his company, but I’m worried I won’t get over the height difference. What do I do?

Answer: There’s really nothing I can say here. Either you get over the height difference or you don’t.

But really, truly, think about why it bothers you.

Societal judgment? You’ll get that anyway for any reason (people can be the worst sometimes!), so you might as well be happy and do what you want.

A great connection is hard to come by.

You not feeling feminine/petite enough? It’s not his stature that makes you feel great about yourself; it’s his character. And how you feel about yourself internally. Height does not indicate masculinity or the ability to provide or protect. It’s just genes.

I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you.

Question: It’s been seven months of going on dates, and we have yet to have the “what are we?” conversation. I’m scared to initiate it. Should I?

Answer: If you’re scared because you think the other person doesn’t feel the same way, then now is precisely the right time to bring it up before things go further.

But rather than asking, “What are we?” I would rather you decide what you would like to be and then broach it that way.

Do you want to be exclusive? Do you want this to be your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend? Decide that for yourself first because I don’t want you to leave your entire relationship in someone else’s hands.

It’s true that you may not get what you want, which is scary, I know. But the only way to know is to bring it up and see where the conversation takes you. And much scarier would be feeling the same way in another seven months. Good luck!

Question: How do you feel about mutual ghosting after a date?

Answer: If neither of you is interested in another date, and no one reaches out after a date, that’s not ghosting – it’s just mutual lack of interest. I’m OK with it.

I consider ghosting when someone makes themselves vulnerable (asks you out, asks a question that deserves an answer, etc) and the other person doesn’t respond. Don’t do that.

Question: Things are going great in the first few dates! I’m really worried about it not working out. How do I manage the anxiety?

Answer: Here is where Nato (the concept of “not attached to outcome”) really comes into play.

Try not to be so attached to something “working out” because no one has a crystal ball (trust me – I wish I did).

Rather, continue getting to know each other at the pace you are. Also, it’s important to accept that things may not work out the way you want them to. And you will be just fine. I promise.

Accepting that the worst could happen could release some of that anxiety for you and let you actually enjoy the moment.

What you have are facts. And the facts are that your dates are going well. And all you need to know is that you have one more date on the calendar. If you do, all is good. – Tribune News Service

Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating.