Dad teaches son about making sacrifices

The writer at his akad nikah in Parit Buntar, Perak, with his bride Nor Faizah Zainal Arifin (back row, both in white) in November 2010. Sharing in the joyous occasion are his parents Mohamed Ali Abdul Khader and Siti Khadijah Hamdan as well as his brothers Amin (left) and Ashraff, and sister Intan Amalina (front, centre).

Ask any audiophile and he’ll probably tell you that a stereo is not just a sound system but an instrument that gives you a respite from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. My abah (father) is – or rather, was – one such person. My mother used to say that “abah can’t dance or sing but the man can really appreciate good music.”

So that perhaps gave him justification for getting a stereo set that cost approximately RM1,200 for what was known back then as “the works.” I wish I was there to witness him owning it. I could swear I saw a glow on his face when he recalled the memories of his stereo. But he had to part with his prized possession when he needed funds for his wedding hantaran (gifts).

My father’s story is one of the most significant life lessons I have picked up over the years. It has become evidently clear to me that in times of need, one way or another we would have to forgo or sacrifice the things that we hold dear for a larger cause or something bigger that we love.

Whether that “cause” is an offer to pursue studies abroad versus that dream job with the government, or a choice to go to your parents’ house or your in-laws’ for the first day of Raya, or simply a choice that involves selling your favourite stereo to finance your marriage to the woman of your dreams. This was an important revelation for me because I understood then that whatever the crossroads we face in life, it is always advisable to step back, take a moment, and see the bigger picture of the choices we are about to make and the outcomes we are about to live with for the rest of our lives.

My wife and I are going to become first-time parents soon. Our families are over the moon with this news and I cannot begin to describe how excited we feel and how much we look forward to the days ahead. Naturally, when you are expecting a baby, numerous issues keep playing in your mind. Would we be able to be good parents? How to provide the best care for our child? What type of parents should we be? What would be the best way to raise our child in this day and age? These questions have kept me up at night.

Honestly, my wife and I have never been more afraid or anxious than we are now. We are, however, very blessed to have what we call good role models around us. Abah is definitely one of them.

Like my abah once did 27 years before me, selling his dear stereo to fund what he now calls the “best collection” of memories that he could ever have, it is now my turn to follow suit in parting with my very own version of a “stereo.” Easier said than done but I reckon that I am on the right path. I would like to look back one day, just like my father did, and be able to say with a sense of honour and pride that all the sacrifices made have been worth every step of the journey, and that I have tried to live life to its fullest with no regrets whatsoever.

There were moments when I asked myself why my father never got another stereo. I realise now that it was not because he could not afford it. It was more because my mother does not appreciate loud music, especially when it blares from the stereos.

To me, this only reveals strength of character in my father: Compromise. But I will keep that story for another day.

For now, I am just grateful that he has been my guiding light – and given me a story that I will remember.
 

The Star's Fathers Figure invites fathers of any age and every stripe – rich dad, poor dad, single father, fun dad, tiger dad – to talk about their parenting experiences. Email [e-mail] with the subject header “Fathers Figure,” preferably between 600 and 800 words, with a photo attached. Published contributions will be paid. So please include your full name, IC number, address and contact number.