At 17 months old, a child would have reached a milestone in communication and expressing himself. The baby that once seemed so docile can turn unreasonable and demanding. That is the bad news. The good news is, he has a new-found sense of independence.
Children at this age are beyond reason but that does not mean you should not try. They will scream and cry to get what they want because they can. They become defiant. Those who can say the word “No” use it vehemently, while their peers who are still babbling would shake their head or push you away.
This is the time for parents to set boundaries, not bring out the cane.
Well, to a certain extent, a 17-month-old is aware of things that he should not do. But then again, he will be naturally curious to check out things that catch his attention. On a positive note, parents must know that their child is just learning to assert himself.
When daily interactions increasingly turn into tussles for power control, parents must bear in mind that this is also the time that the toddler is learning about trust and unconditional love. So be careful how you choose your battles with your little one.
Maximise your toddler’s energy on activities that appeal to his senses. Do sorting exercises using household objects like colourful bowls and spoons. Find cups and plates for stacking. Small baskets too are ideal for toddlers to work with. This should buy you some quiet time when they finally grasp the activity and start enjoying it by themselves.
Next is safety. There is no better time to child-proof your home for an active toddler than this moment. Look out for small holes and loose strings . As your tot tends to pick things up and put them into his mouth, a diligent clean-up routine is strongly advised.
Your toddler learns very quickly that all he needs is to cry and he’ll get his way. So bite the bullet and let him do a bit of bawling, then comfort him when he has calmed down. Avoid pacifying him but help him to soothe himself.
The way you handle your toddler at this age can set the very foundation on which you build your relationship with him until his teenage years. Many parents are concerned about mollycoddling their children. They want to “teach” them the right lessons from young. Children are not spoiled when their needs are met and treated with respect.
Children are spoiled only when parents meet their unreasonable needs. What children really want is to understand the world through boundaries set by their parents to keep them safe and healthy rather than ones that restrict their movement and prevent them from being independent.
At this stage your toddler may also become not so sociable and may want you to carry him when he can walk. He would cry and make a fuss when you put him down. His growing sense of self and others is the reason for such behaviour. Be a little bit more understanding over this separation anxiety. Offer more cuddles and less shushing. Your toddler will appreciate that you are making an effort to reduce his anxiety rather than adding to his frustration.
Your child is still a long way from learning self-control. He will not be able to stop his impulses and understand the consequences of his actions until he is way into three years old ... or even older, maybe right through his teens!
So, your toddler needs your consistent and patient support during the early years. Being able to manage and cope with strong feelings is a critical skill for lifelong success. Do not fret over his negative behaviour at this age.
Seize the opportunities to teach him life skills that will benefit him in the long run.
Ruth Liew is a child developmentalist, Montessori trainer and examiner. A mother of two teenage daughters, she is committed to supporting children’s rights.
Limited time offer:
Just RM5 per month.
