CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW
Children need to be emotionally prepared to go to kindergarten.
I AM a 28-year-old mother of two boys, aged three and five. I am having a challenging time with my older boy who refuses to go to school. When he was four, I enrolled him in a kindergarten. He enjoyed his time there even though we had difficulty getting him to school in the morning. He would cry and protest.
When it comes to concerts and sports day, my son would refuse to participate. This made me very sad. He was the only one who cried.
Five schools participated in these events. No other children cried like my son. He bawled and I felt embarrassed in front of hundreds of parents and students. I acted positively when he cried. I did not scold him in front of others and tried my best to coax him to join the crowd. People who gathered around us ridiculed me but I did not relent. I was determined to help my son fit in.
Later I took him out of the kindergarten because I felt he was not making any progress. I got feedback from the teachers that he liked to do things of his choice. He appeared to be in a world of his own.
Since stopping school, he has not been doing much at home. Every night, I would teach him the alphabet and numbers. I find that he gives up easily and is not persistent. He still tells me that he hates school because he does not like his teachers and schoolmates.
I want the best for him but I do not know how to motivate him. Next year, he will be six. He will need to attend kindergarten.
I am worried about sending him to another kindergarten as he may face the same problems. – Mother of Two
Every child has a different personality and temperament. Some children warm up easily, while others find it hard to adapt to a new environment. There are children who are cheerful workers while others would rather be left alone to do their own thing.
As they grow, children learn and make mistakes. At times, they’ll find it hard to deal with the challenges ahead for numerous reasons. As the school programme is packed with more activities during the second year, your son may find it hard to keep up with the demands, compared with the first year.
Going to school needs preparation. The crying and protests in the mornings are part of your child’s fears and insecurities. Unlike his peers, he does not warm up easily in groups. It is his individual style of doing things
Respect your son as an individual with his own likes and dislikes. Once he feels acknowledged for what he can do and not made to feel inadequate, he will start to show signs of school readiness.
Come up with home lessons to prepare him for learning the alphabet, numbers, colours, shapes, art and craft and even preschool songs. Do role-playing with your boys. Children feel more confident when they know the right words to use in various situations.
Young children are constantly learning and growing. Your son may take some time to be school-savvy and sociable. Meanwhile, you must be proud of what he is presently capable of.
Do not feel embarrassed by your son’s behaviour. You will be surprised that there are many children who are struggling with school attendance. Their parents yell at them and punish them without trying to understand their disposition. Stay positive with your son.
Spend time talking about the things he likes in school rather than asking him whether he wants to go back to school. He needs to work out his role in school as well as learn to accept other people. Once he is prepared and confident, he will be able to take the first step in going to school by himself.
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