For our cover story last week being single and the challenges of finding a partner, StarLifestyle interviewed some Malaysians about their thoughts on singleness and being in relationships.
Before getting into a relationship, you need to be prepared.
For a man, it’s normal to ensure you’re financially stable, have a good job and are able to provide for the family. This is why men sometimes get married later after they’ve completed their studies and established their career.
For women, they usually get married earlier if they want to have children and are concerned about their biological clock.
Then, both parties need to be mentally and emotionally mature, be able to communicate well and bertolak-ansur (give and take). It’s good to start by being friends and get to know each other first.
For those who are single, don’t close yourself off to someone just because they don’t seem to be your “type”.
Generally, I believe everyone has a “type”. But when you fall in love, sometimes you might discover the one you fall for is the exact opposite of your “type”.
Take me for example. When I was younger, I would only date athletic guys who enjoyed the outdoors. I expected the guy to be taller, bigger, stronger, athletic, with dark complexion – because it’s more masculine. But today, I’m married to someone who’s the exact opposite of that.
When I first met him, I didn’t notice him because he wasn’t “my type” – he was tall, had a fair complexion, wasn’t particularly athletic, gentle and slim... before getting married... but now he’s put on weight, I feed him too much! (laughs)
We think we shouldn’t have to change ourselves for someone to love us. We should be loved for ourselves and to a certain extent, that’s true. But on the other hand, we do need to change ourselves in the sense of self-improvement. This is more of finding ourselves before we can find someone to love.
In the first place, if we don’t care for ourselves and let ourselves go or are too cincai (having a ‘don’t care’ attitude), then how can we expect someone else to care for us? First, be the best that you can be for yourself and let the relationship come in its own time.
Also, it’s natural to be attracted by appearances and this is reality. If you like what you see on the outside, it’s more likely that you’ll look inside to find out more about the person. So always put your best foot forward.
I think being too idealistic kills a person’s chances of having a relationship. It’s like expectation doesn’t meet reality. For example, if a girl has too high expectations, it might be difficult for her to find a guy who can meet those expectations. Nobody is perfect so we need to be realistic. If both parties like each other, can get along and accept each other – flaws and idiosyncrasies included - then why not?
Also, it might make the guy feel intimidated and pressured, and he will think he can’t match your expectations and give up.
I think a relationship is between the two people involved with each other, so others shouldn’t interfere because it can often destroy what could have been a potentially good relationship or friendship.
People will look at a couple and have a lot of things to say - whether they’re a good match or not, whether they’re too old, too young, too good, not good enough, too attractive, not attractive enough, etc for each other.
But you can’t please everyone. And what constitutes a good relationship is different for each person. Every couple is different so why should you be confined by what others think, especially if you’re not even close to them?
While you can consider the advice of your family and close friends - those who are important to you - the ultimate decision is yours and nobody else’s.
Already a subscriber? Log in
Get 20% OFF The Star Digital Access
Cancel anytime. Ad-free. Unlimited access with perks.
