Dear Thelma: Married women are trying to trap my husband


  • Family
  • Sunday, 20 Jan 2019

My husband and I have been happily married for 15 years and we have two children. He has been a perfect husband to me and a great father to the kids.

The problem started after he got a new job with a higher position. There are many female colleagues in his new company. My husband is always polite to everyone, and eventually many female colleagues grew to like him.

I also noticed that he has changed. He dresses up nicely and uses perfume when he goes to work. I told him I had a feeling that he enjoyed his work, where all the female colleagues were trying to butter up to him due to his high position in the office. He told me all of them were married women and there was nothing to worry about.

Little does he know that married women are more dangerous due to their experience in attracting men. If a married woman is not happy with her marriage, she may try to steal another man, whether he was married or not.

Perhaps that married woman looks down on her husband because her salary is higher than his? Or maybe they don’t have children or there could be other reasons? Don’t you agree with me?

One day, I secretly checked my husband’s mobile phone. A woman was trying to ask a question and strike a conversation with my husband at night. Luckily, my husband just sent her the link with the information she needed without continuing the conversation.

At that moment, I wanted to ask my husband why that woman didn’t bother using Google or asking her own husband. But I held back and told myself to be patient and trust my husband. I also wondered why her husband was not curious to see his wife busy texting at night.

I am really worried that one day this woman will be able to “trap” my husband. I do not want to lose a good husband to that woman. Kindly advise. Thanks.

Worried wife

Okay, sudden changes in behaviour such as a new interest in dressing up, getting in shape, cosmetic surgery and so on, can indicate that a partner is cheating because it’s all dating behaviour geared at attracting others.

Also, people who are put into more influential positions sometimes go a little power crazy. Authority is intoxicating, especially when there are plenty of people who look to get an advantage for themselves by playing sex games.

When faced with endless temptation, a weak-minded person might ditch his or her good sense and behave in a corrupt or indecent manner.

But is that what we’re seeing here?

You say that your husband has been a paragon of virtue for 15 years. That suggests he’s a faithful type, honest and true. He may be dressing up a bit and enjoying the attention because he’s super proud of his new promotion. If that’s so, he’ll settle down soon enough and get used to his special status.

As for that woman who texted him, she might be one of those lazy people who can’t be bothered to Google – you know they’re everywhere. And that late-night communication might be pure bad manners – also common.

At worst, if she was the kind of harpy who tries to connect with married men, your husband brushed her off with professional tact and finesse.

So, are you totally crazy? One of those awful women who wants to cut the men in their lives off from the rest of the world? It doesn’t sound like it because you’re filled with doubt and worry.

And that is what’s key here. When you are married, you have a right to share your thoughts, feelings and concerns. I suggest you take your husband out for dinner and talk to him openly.

“My sweet, we’ve been married forever and I love you. I’m proud of your promotion but I hear of so many people who go off the rails that I’m having sleepless nights worrying.”

Open sharing of your feelings is vital because when you’ve been together for a long time, you sometimes take each other for granted.

Take this as an opportunity to celebrate what you have and to strengthen your relationship. Date as if you’re kids again.

Remind each other of how much you love each other, how lucky you are to have a solid marriage, and celebrate that closeness.

I truly think you’ve nothing to worry about.


Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. Write to Dear Thelma, c/o StarLifestyle, Menara Star, 15, Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya, Selangor or e-mail star2.thelma@thestar.com.my. Please include your full name and address, and a pseudonym. No private correspondence will be entertained. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.


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