Heart & Soul: The language of love

  • Family
  • Saturday, 12 Jul 2014

Look not to the ego, but hold on to calmness, patience and inner peace for lasting happiness.

I’m writing this in order for us to realise the missing pieces in our married life. A married couple who has been living together for years can have a life of “happily ever after” if only each of them put in some effort. A married life comes with a lot of responsibility. Both the husband and wife take charge accordingly.

Along the way, we start having children and more of our time is now spent on the upbringing of our children. Thus, the relationship between husband and wife, if not nurtured properly, might slowly fall apart. Sometimes, since other matters are so overwhelming, either the wife or husband might feel resentful and start blaming the other person for any matter arising. When we are faced with such situations, we often forget our true self and give way to the ego which in turn, will result in unnecessary quarrels that are really a waste of time and energy.

Often, after repetitive behavioural patterns, then only will we start to realise our true nature. We come to a point where we start to trust our inner self and slowly let go of the old pattern which has been causing us misery.

Every individual has his or her own perception of life. Thus, husbands and wives should learn to let go and find peace within themselves. Eventually, we are then able to release any limiting beliefs and trust the whole universal operation on the run.

Every relationship should be based on love and nothing else. When the feeling of love is strong, we can overcome obstacles along the way. This could be related to our children, financial problems or other interruptions that may arise from time to time. Every negative situation should be transformed into a positive one by applying or holding strongly to qualities such as letting go, inner peace, calmness and patience.

Firstly, we must love ourselves as a whole. Any resistance should be released, and we should accept each and everyone as they are. Sooner or later, the unwanted situation will change for the better. In any relationship, we tend to fall back on our subconscious response because we have adopted certain characteristics since childhood.

Thus, whenever a conflict arises, we respond unconsciously and hurt each other’s feelings.

It is very important for us to be conscious during any given time. When we are conscious, we can avoid falling back to our old behavioural pattern and abide by our true qualities.

The unconscious mind longs for judgement, argument, perfection and the need to be always right. Whereas the conscious mind is about staying aware without falling prey to our repetitive behavioural pattern. When we are conscious of a particular situation, we are able to tackle it with our inner qualities such as calmness and silence, all the while maintaining our inner peace, confidence and belief that all is well.

When we are in a relationship, we must avoid having any limiting belief because this will only cause unrealistic illusions about someone whom you are worried about. We should envision the good side of that person. Always look at the bright side and good qualities of the person you love. Every individual has his or her own shortcomings. Thus, we should believe in the greater good and drop any limiting beliefs that separate us.

In the long run, we may fall back on our repetitive patterns. Husbands and wives, remember that only love should reign and not the ego. Love will always bind us together, whereas ego will separate us psychologically and physically.

I admit that it is hard to confront ego with love. But, I assure you that if you are truly looking for a change in a relationship, it is possible to find your inner peace. Behaving from our true nature will not be easy. There will be many trial and mistakes, and you may even want to give up. But, once you have learnt and understood your personal repetitive behavioural pattern, you will start seeking inner peace and be at peace with yourself. Happiness is when we are one with ourselves.

Whenever a negative situation arises, just stay calm and do not take sides. Be silent and speak with compassion once things have cooled down. Only when we are at peace with ourselves, will we be able to take action accordingly. Otherwise, feelings like fear, worry and negativity will cause us more misery.

Daily drama occurs when our ego takes charge. We tend to fall prey to this ego which wants to be right all the time. Respond instead with compassion and maintain your inner peace, and be silent until the drama is over. You will find that in the end, you may no longer hold any resistance since you have accepted and let go of the anger.

We must strive to stay conscious and positive, and live in the present moment in peace and bliss. Being at peace is our ultimate goal and true meaning of our existence.

> Do you have any real-life, heart-warming stories to share? E-mail them to star2@thestar.com.my. We'd love to hear from you.

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